I am a Broken Masterpiece

I'M GOING TO NEW YORK!!!

2012-02-07T20:31:00.000-06:00

I've written about camp and how important it was (and still is) in my life. In addition to learning a lot about myself, I have made friends all over the world, thanks to the Camp America program. I've also made some of my best friends there. Laura was a CIT the year after me, a lifeguard with me for 2 years, and I swear we're twins separated at birth; she was a bridesmaid in my wedding. Tasha and I were the proverbial small fish in a big pond -- Christianity wasn't something that was "prevalent" among people at camp. There were a lot of atheists, Pagans, and just non-religious people, but Tasha and I bonded over our common faith. So much so that we ended up roommates her freshman year and my senior year of college. She was also a bridesmaid in my wedding.

Our first staff shirts ever!

And then there are the friends I made who I was close to but never realized how much I missed them until they were gone. Bird (Becca) is one of those people. There was actually a summer (2006, I think?) when she wasn't going to come back because of some reason or another which made NO sense to me and Bunny (a girl who was in Bird's CIT group and ended up being my CIT counselor for 2 years). SO we waged war. Figuratively, of course. We got every staff member -- including people who had NEVER even met her -- to write letters talking about how much she would be missed and that she should come back. It worked. =) She worked another 2 years at camp after that, even joining the administration staff one year.

Then she joined the Peace Corps. And moved to Guatemala (because she's AWESOME like that!). And missed my wedding (which made me incredibly sad because it was a par-tay!). BUT she's back now and at grad school in NYC at Columbia. When she was home over Christmas, at a camp reunion of sorts, she mentioned how inexpensive it is to fly to New York (roughly $250 on Southwest if you catch the fares at the right time). Which made me think, "Dude, I could afford that!!"

When I filed our taxes, J and I decided to use $1000 of it to pay off debt and split the last $500. Which we did. And I bought my ticket tonight for the last weekend in March. I'm so excited. This will be the fourth time I've flown anywhere, the first with a layover (well... I flew to Hawaii when I was 5 but I was with my parents so that doesn't count), and my first time in New York City. I feel so grown up! =)

This is the first part of completing number 61 on my 101 in 1001 list.

Beginning Tomorrow: 101 in 1001

2012-01-31T21:33:00.000-06:00

Well, I did it! I was able to accumulate a list of 101 things I want to accomplish over the next 2 and a half years or so. It was kind of daunting. If you're interested in making your own, here is what I did: I sat down and typed as many things I could think of. I didn't worry about grouping them at all until I had a lot. For inspiration, I Googled "101 in 1001" to see what others came up with. There is also a website for The Day Zero Project, which can help you generate some ideas. Once you have those, then you can separate them into categories. Honestly, I went through several "organization" systems before I settled on mine.

My list includes "easy" things like try 3 new vegetables to "hard" things like have a baby and pay off debt and everything in between. There are no rules to the 101 in 1001 challenge, except that the goal must be measurable. I'm planning on blogging upon completion of each goal, but for the full list, you can find it up at the top of the page under the 101 in 1001 tab (imagine that!).

One Year Later...

2012-01-29T21:33:00.000-06:00

My most successful resolution last year was to lose just under 30 pounds and get down to 200 pounds. You can see the whole reasoning behind my desire to lose the flab here, but here is my journey over the past year.

I lacked will power. I lacked drive. I lacked inspiration. I was aware that I was gaining weight and that I wasn't happy about it. My goal had been to lose the pounds for my wedding and I did get down to about 210, but it didn't stick. So for almost 2 years, I gained back the 8 pounds I had lost, and then some. I felt gross and unsexy (not good for a new marriage) and am ashamed to admit that I was lazy. Losing weight takes a lot of effort, after all. I was complacent with how I lived my life, how I ate, etc. Did I really want to put in the effort?

And then we took a trip to Memphis, went to the zoo, and took some photos. Like the one above. And this one (which, by the way, even though I hate the way I look in it, it makes me happy because I LOVE LOVE LOVE panda bears. And after looking at them, I realized I hated myself. I mean, not my personality, per se, but definitely the attitude I'd had. So I committed myself to losing the weight.

On January 1, I weighed in at 228 pounds. On January 31, I took a photo of my weight for my attempt at Project 365. 220. I was on a role! Haha. I outlined what I had done in this post. It basically consisted of knowing how much food I was putting in my mouth, drinking more water, and getting my tail to the gym.

I know that I have a little bit more to go, but the fact that I reached 200 gives me inspiration to make it down to 175. That is my ultimate goal weight. (As well as getting my swim back, haha. I want to be able to swim for 2 hours straight again without getting so winded!) But for now I'm focusing on maintaining the habits I've learned over the last year: lots of water, introducing more fruits and veggies, and portion awareness. With those 3 things in mind, I know that I can do it!

Menu Monday

2012-01-16T23:03:00.002-06:00

Before I start with this paycheck's menu choices, I wanted to recommend a website called Plan to Eat. It's the best thing this Type-A person could have found! The only thing that would make it better is an Android app, =) It's easy to store recipes, and then plan your meal -- just drag and drop! While they offer a free 30-day trial, it's not a free service. It's $5/month but seriously it's the best $5 I spend every month. Give it a shot. ;-)

Onward, shall we? I've been pinning recipes like crazy for a while and try a new one each paycheck cycle. A few have been busts, but some have worked out well! I'll be marking my new recipe for the paycheck with an asterisk. We have a lot of other things going on, so on the nights we won't cook, I just won't put anything. There's usually plenty for leftovers, anyway.

Wednesday Jan. 18: Sloppy Joes & Baked potato wedges
J and I are big fans of sloppy joes. With the potato wedges, I usually cover the wedges in a mixture of olive oil and some seasonings -- salt and pepper typically but sometimes I'll jazz it up and add some oregano.

Friday, Jan. 20: Santa Fe Enchilada Bake

This one is delicious and so easy! I use fat free sour cream (shhhhh don't tell J!) and reduced fat shredded cheese, so all in all it's "delicious and nutritious!"

Sunday, Jan. 21: Pizza

I use this recipe for the crust and use store bought sauce and low fat cheese. Pretty much the only topping we agree on is pepperoni. I like pepperoni and bacon or pepperoni and green pepper, he likes supreme.

Tuesday, Jan. 23: Italian chicken & Roasted Red Potatoes*

One bottle of Italian dressing + 3 chicken breasts + 350 for 45 minutes = easy and delicious. I'm trying a new red potato recipe.

Wednesday, Jan. 24 Creamy Cajun Chicken*

Possibly my most anticipated recipe -- which means I might make it closer to, well, now. Instead of using cream, though, I'm using half and half. I'll let you know how this one turns out!

Happy cooking! Don't forget to check out Plan to Eat!

2011 Resolution recap

2012-01-12T19:43:00.000-06:00

On first glance, my 2011 resolutions look like a total bust. I managed to keep up with Project 365 for about a month before I realized my life is sooo freaking boring I didn't think anyone would be interested in what I did each day, you know?

Resolution 1: Pay off 3 more credit cards this year. We paid off 2, so that's close!

Resolution 2: Lose at least 26 pounds and get below 200. Confession time: I have been to the gym, like, 3 times since July. I'm still paying attention to what I'm eating, though. I also haven't weighed myself at the gym (what I consider my official weight) since, like, October. My weight then was 205. At my mom's a few weeks ago I was at 203. So it's probably safe to assume I got pretty darn near my goal and I am so pleased with myself for this. I dropped almost 2 jeans sizes (from a 16 to a 14 as of July/August and even those are getting a little loose...)

Resolution 3: Read 5 books on youth ministry/faith. I read Weird and The Christian Atheist, both by Craig Groeschel. I also read Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss with a group of ladies I worked at the bookstore with in a Bible Study we had going for a while (and that I hope we'll resume real soon). 60% of that resolution... that's at least passing, right? ;-) The Groeschel books were FANTASTIC and I highly recommend them, especially Christian Atheist. Gave a lot of food for thought. The book's subtitle is "Believing in God, but Living as if He doesn't Exist." Powerful, right?

Resolution 4: Project 365. Haha. Yeah, right.

Two-Zero-One-One

2011-12-26T20:25:00.001-06:00

The new year is upon us and with it comes all the "remember whens" of the year that's ending. In keeping with my recaps of the last few years (2009, 2010), I present to you: My 2011 Recap.

January
I started my new pre-K teaching job and I LOVED IT. Everything that was wearing me out about my old job was fixed at this one -- non-cliquey staff, I got to teach, no more diapers, a co-teacher who actually valued my opinion. I realized what I want to get my Master's in because of this job: reading.
I made some resolutions (more on those later) and explained why I wanted to lose 26 pounds.

February
I got a snow day for my birthday! They were predicting a lot of snow in that system, but it was kind of a letdown.
Nothing else big happened, I guess. I did a few posts on sermons or videos that impacted me, but apparently nothing noteworthy enough to blog about happened.

March
We celebrated our second wedding anniversary. I can't believe we're coming up on 3 already! I'm sure time will start flying by soon enough, but for now I want it to slow down juuuust a smidge.

April
I bought the first size 14 dress I've bought in a LONG time. Size 14 pants came along in August. And guess what? Those pants? Are now almost too big. =)

May
I discovered Pinterest. Oh man, I love that site.
I rambled about my desire to have a baby.
I discussed the methods to my weight loss.

June
I said good bye to the school year with Pre-K graduation. We had a summer program that totally wore me out, but it was a lot of fun. The graduation ceremony was at the owner's house. We put on a little skit, sang some songs, ate some BBQ, and went swimming. SO MUCH FUN.

July
I saw the final HP movie at midnight.
We went to Colorado for a huge youth conference. It was a lot of fun and the kids got pumped up (too bad it didn't carry over to the school year)
J's car got totalled on said trip to CO. I didn't post about it because we were dealing with insurance and everything, and because it was actually one of the chaperones who hit our car. But J got a 2004 Honda Civic which he LOVES in addition to a nice payout from insurance.

August
My old kids left for kindergarten and I got a new batch. This new batch is challenging and exhausting and creative and love to cook and talkative... One of our most challenging kids actually just left before Christmas, so I'm interested to see how our class's dynamics change.

September
I was busy this month with weddings and CPR classes and barely had time to blog.

October
My first Trunk or Treat at SPC and my kids were so cute! I had 2 Dorothy's, 2 Buzz Lightyear's, a mater, some princesses, Ariel. So cute!

November
My school has a Feast of Friendship on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving every year and it was a lot of fun -- the school's cook makes, like, 7 turkeys, and the parents all provide the sides. Our room was packed, but it provided a fun, casual environment to chat with the parents.
We hired a new worship director at church. His style is drastically different from our old style, so we're all still trying to settle in. When he's been there a little longer, I might post about how I feel. He has introduced a lot of new songs, though, like this one that I blogged about.

December
Another month without a lot of blogging. I had an amazing work Christmas party at Granite City Brewery.
Our Christmas Day was jam packed between church and 3 family Christmases.
J and I used Christmas money to buy a new TV. We are now owners of a 32" Vizio HDTV. J is ecstatic, LOL.
Also, my brother is moving in with us for a while, so the last week has been full of decluttering my house.

Well that was my 2011! Once again, I'm spending New Years Eve babysitting. I really bring it on myself -- the money is too good to pass up, but in the 6 years J and I have been together, we haven't spent a NYE together. Crazy, I know.

Here's what to expect in the New Year from me (if you'll still hang around):
My 101 in 1001 list. I've been working on it for the past week or so and I'm at 86 items. It's really tough!
Posts involving my 101 in 1001.
A recap of my '11 resolutions, as well as a post about my '12 resolutions.

I hope your 2011 was full of memories and that you will be continually blessed in 2012!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-26T19:16:00.001-06:00

This post is a day late, but my Christmas weekend was very busy. I have been working part time at the bookstore again, and I worked on Christmas Eve morning, then I had church. Our Christmas Eve was pretty low key. Normally we go to my extended family's Christmas celebration on Christmas Eve but this year it was on Christmas Day, so J and I got Chinese food and rented a movie. How boring are we, right? Haha.

Christmas Day, we had church in the morning, then we were off. We visited my father-in-law's first, then my aunt and uncle's, then J's grandparents. It was full of fun and laughter and love and reminiscing and everything Christmas get-togethers should be, but when we got home at 10:00 that night, I was exhausted.

At my aunt and uncle's Christmas, my cousins, brother, and I all subconsciously formed a "kids" table. You remember how it was -- always wanting to sit with the adults, thinking you're too big for the kids' table. We had one, too, just like everyone else. But something cool happened this year. With the exception of three cousins (2 who weren't there and one who is still "too young" to chat with the older cousins), we all sat down around the appetizer table, snacking, chatting about life and school and other things. What was even cooler is that the table included 2 spouses and 1 girlfriend who all just fit in like they belonged there. I love my family. =)

And because I missed my traditional Christmas Day post:

I hope you had a very merry Christmas and enjoyed the time you spent with your loved ones.

Christmas

2011-12-04T22:00:00.001-06:00

I put up our Christmas tree today. J didn't help because, frankly, if it were up to him, it wouldn't go up. Haha. It's okay, I don't mind. I put on my Christmas music and spend a few hours unpacking the tree and ornaments, etc.

I hope, though, that things change in the future when we have kids of our own. I have so many wonderful memories of putting up the tree, my dad lifting me up to put the angel on top of the tree. And I can't wait to have those kinds of memories with my own kids.

In the meantime, I guess my big fat furry kitty cats will have to help me. Sebastian's favorite spot is under the tree and he didn't waste any time getting under there and staking his territory. Paulie chased my little bead garland around on the floor while I hung it on the tree. Fun times.

Sunday Snapshot

2011-11-13T14:30:00.000-06:00

I have always been a voracious reader. Looks like the boys take after their mama:

Paulie is reading HP and the Deathly Hallows in a physical book. Sebastian is reading When She Woke on my Nook Color.

"Unashamed"

2011-11-08T21:56:00.000-06:00

This past week, during Communion, we played this song.

I have not much

To offer You

Not near what You deserve

But still I come

Because Your cross

Has placed in me my worth

Oh, Christ my King

Of sympathy

Whose wounds secure my peace

Your grace extends

To call me friend

Your mercy sets me free

And I know I'm weak

I know I'm unworthy

To call upon Your name

But because of grace

Because of Your mercy

I stand here unashamed

I can't explain

This kind of love

I'm humbled and amazed

That You'd come down

From heavens heights

And greet me face to face

Here I am at Your feet

In my brokeness complete

It's been stuck in my head all week. J and I had an interesting conversation tonight about the meaning of the line "I know I'm weak/I know I'm unworthy/To call upon Your name." A friend of mine at church mentioned that she didn't like the song because of the idea that we're unworthy to come to God. She believes that she is worthy to be in his presence. This raises some interesting points, about faith and about culture.

First of all, culture. We live in a world where it's acceptable to demand, demand, demand. not only that, but to EXPECT that the things we demand will be given to us. I'm just as guilty as the next guy for falling into this trap. We feel we "deserve" a better car, a bigger house, a larger TV, and Platinum credit cards. We deserve to be treated with respect even though most of us live in our own little worlds, not paying attention to even our own spouses or children. I guess it comes as no surprise that we feel we deserve God's love and grace in our lives. (Here is where we could totally get into an "original sin" debate, but I'm not going there.)

Which brings us to the caveat of our faith. Our worldview often spills over into our approach to God. We want Him now, in the way we feel He should be here, and in the time we specify. We don't find a job in the time frame we want, we question His faithfulness (hello, totally guilty of that...). Our friend dies too young and we wonder why He took him/her so soon, forgetting that He has a plan. We don't always like His plan because it doesn't fit into our pretty little box of how we think our life should be. We deserve God's attention RIGHT NOW whether that's His plan or not. "I'm in pain right now, God, and I deserve Your hand in this mess I am ~~totally to blame for~~ in." "God, I gave you my life 17 years ago, and now it's time for You to do what I expect You to do -- be there and fix my mess."

But that's not how it works. Not in the slightest. We don't deserve Him. We don't deserve His love. Paul writes in Romans that we are all sinners, that we all fall short of the glory of God (3:23). Every. Single. One of us. Fact of the matter is, we're all screwed. We're all destined for an eternity apart from God because we don't deserve to stand in His presence. Except.

Jesus.

One man. One cross. Taking away all of our sins. Glorious salvation. That is what makes us worthy. It's not because of who we are. It's because of who HE is, and what HE did for us. Even though we totally don't deserve any of His love, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, grace, mercy, etc, He made us worthy. It is through his sacrifice that we are able to come to God and worship, honor, and adore Him. It is because of Jesus that we are able to live with Him for all eternity.

Even though we don't deserve it.

Even though we're totally unworthy.

God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8, NIV)

Menu Monday Oct. 24

2011-10-24T22:29:00.003-05:00

I spent roughly $50 on groceries this week, partly because I had $10 in coupons, but that is the least I have spent on groceries in a LONG time. I'm very proud of myself, thankyouverymuch.

Here is what's on tap for the next two weeks:

Tues. 10/25: Jiffy Jambalaya Remember I wanted to make my own jambalaya? This will be my first go at it, so hopefully it is delicious.

Wed. 10/26: Santa Fe Enchilada Bake This is something I've made before. it's easy and with the right subs (whole grain tortillas, low fat cheese and fat free sour cream), it's not too heavy on calories.

Fri. 10/28: Burgers.

Sat. 10/29: Buffalo Chicken Sandwiches I'm a sucker for buffalo chicken.

Sun. 10/30: Baked Ziti. AKA "Throw some noodles, sauce, and cheese in a casserole dish and bake."

Tues. 11/1: Grilled cheese. Do you really need a recipe?

Wed. 11/2: Pizza. I use this recipe for the crust. I half the ingredients, though, since I'm only making it for the two of us. And I don't like super duper thick pizza which is what would happen if I used the whole recipe for one pizza. here is what it looked like last time I made it. Depending on when in the rotation it's on the menu, I'll have green pepper and onion on there in addition to pepperoni.

Fri. 11/4: Tacos. J's favorite. I use a seasoning mix found here.

What all are you having the next few weeks?? Let me know in the comments.

Don't forget that you can check out my food board on Pinterest!

Menu Monday

2011-10-10T22:51:00.001-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted. It's been crazy, too, but I'll get to that in another post.

For a few months, J and I have been menu planning every two weeks. It really helps when I'm grocery shopping because I know exactly what I have to get, and it helps at home with the "what are we going to eat?" question because I know ahead of time when I need to pull out hamburger meat or chicken breasts or what have you. Woo hoo! SO here is what's on tap for the next 2 weeks:

Mon. Oct. 10: We had a meeting at church and dinner was provided.

Tues. Oct. 11: Jambalaya. We currently use the Zattarain's box and toss in some smoked sausage. I eventually would like to find my own recipe because the boxed mixes are so high in sodium. I'm looking for a good one. If you know of one, leave me a note in the comments.

Wed. Oct. 12: Chicken and Dumplings. This is a new recipe and I'm kind of excited about it because it seems so easy. It's from a cookbook I have in my kitchen, so I can't link to it, unfortunately. It's your basic chicken, celery, carrots, and biscuits recipe. The particular recipe I used was great, but I misunderstood the directions for adding the biscuits and added the whole can thing. Which meant it was more like dumplings with chicken and veggies. Oops. It was yum, though, so I will make it again but alter the amount of biscuits I use.

Thurs. Oct. 13: I have praise band rehearsal every Thursday night and I go straight to church from work so J is on his own every week.

Fri. Oct. 14: We have a youth event so I won't have to cook. Woo hoo!

Sat. Oct. 15: Chicken Enchilada Pasta. This is also a new recipe, and oh my goodness it looks delicious! It WAS delicious, but it was also SPICY. Will make again but J couldn't handle the heat (I thought it was great) so I need to tone it down a bit.

Sun. Oct. 16: We'll probably just do tacos, though I'm thinking about making Chicken Taco Chili. This is a monthly dish at our house when the weather is cooler. So delish and so easy. This didn't happen because we went to my father in law's for dinner.

Mon. Oct. 17: Youth night. Probably leftovers.

Tues. Oct. 18: Sloppy Joes. Tuesdays are my gym night, so I try and do something I can whip up easily when I get home since J won't cook. I don't remember what we did but it wasn't this.

Wed. Oct. 19: Orange Chicken/General Tso's Chicken. I found this orange chicken recipe that I might try, but we're not huge orange chicken fans. I'd rather make a General Tso's recipe using this recipe to bake the chicken instead of frying it. In all reality I wish I could figure out where the picture below came from. It popped up on my Pinterest feed and its source says "Pinterest for iPhone." Thanks. That's a lot of help. I ended up making the chicken and dumplings this particular night, so I can't report about the Chinese recipe...

Thurs. Oct. 20: Jenny's rehearsal, so we're off the hook there. The weekend of the 22nd is my last full, busy weekend and then I can RELAX. Hallelujah!

You can follow my recipe board on Pinterest.

Why I love my kitties.

2011-09-17T22:54:00.001-05:00

1. They act just like human brothers would. Sebastian likes to attack Paulie when P is just walking by. Just like a little brother who won't sop hounding his big brother.

2. P knows when I am upset and will come and beg for attention when I need some loving.

3. Even though he KNOWS it is just a light and he will never be able to catch it, P's absolute most favorite toy is the laser pointer we got at WalMart for like $2. He even knows the sound of it jiggling and will come running whenever we pick it up.

4. I used to think S liked to cuddle with me. Now I'm convinced that he is just yelling at me in his head for me to move out of ~~my spot on the bed~~ his favorite place to lay.

5. When the weather gets cool and the windows are open at night, P will sit literally IN the window because he likes how cool it becomes.

6. I can leave the door open while I bring in groceries or leave the patio door open and they will go no farther than the edge of the welcome mat/won't jump off the edge.

7. When S is sitting in his cube, he thinks that he's hiding from everyone, even though we can very plainly see him.

Do you have any furbabies you love?

Yum!

2011-09-05T18:00:00.000-05:00

For dinner last night, I made an incredibly easy recipe that I wanted to pass on. You can find the original recipe here, but I honestly altered it a little bit based on some of the reviews, so here is my recipe, with added or altered stuff in blue:

Ingredients

2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1/2 onion, finely chopped
1 tbs minced garlic
3/4 pound cubed skinless, boneless chicken breast meat
1/2 (1.25 ounce) package taco seasoning mix
1 (15 ounce) can black beans, rinsed and drained
1 (8.75 ounce) can sweet corn, drained
1/2 cup salsa
1 can of green chiles
1 cup shredded Mexican-style cheese
1 1/2 cups crushed plain tortilla chips

Directions

In a large skillet over medium high heat, saute onion and garlic in the oil for about 5 minutes.
Add chicken, taco seasoning, beans, corn, salsa, and chiles. Cover skillet and simmer over medium low heat for 10 minutes.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
Transfer chicken mixture to a 9x9 inch baking dish. Top with 1/2 cup of the cheese
Bake in the preheated oven for 15 minutes. Add remaining 1/2 cup cheese and tortilla chips and bake until cheese is melted and bubbly.

I actually didn't use a can of corn. I used about a cup of frozen corn instead and it made it really watery, so I would make sure to actually use a can of corn or cook some frozen corn first.

J and I LOVED this. It's definitely in our rotation and it made enough that more than half was leftover (I'm going to have some for lunches this week) once we had our fill.

(Sidenote... Paulie LOVES chicken. We don't eat at our kitchen table, we eat on the couch -- bad habit I know -- and Paulie jumped up and sat staring at both of us like, "I smell chicken. Gimme some chicken!" Such a sweet boy.)

Rocky Mountain High 2011

2011-09-05T11:19:00.000-05:00

Every three years our denomination has a HUGE youth conference in Estes Park Colorado. It's mostly only the Synod of the Heartland, which includes Minnesota, South/North Dakota, and Iowa. It does not include us, but we've gone I think every time it's been held since we started our church 21 years ago by tagging along with a church in Des Moines. That church has gotten HUGE so this year we went as our own entity because they saved spots of out-of-synod groups like us.

It's held at the YMCA of the Rockies and if you're looking for an AMAZING place to stay in Colorado, this is it. It's a conference/retreat center so it has lodges and cabins, dining halls, meeting rooms, and a huge gym that they turned into our worship center for the week. But it's all nestled in the mountains. I mean, seriously, this was the view from my balcony.

So we spent the week going to seminars in the morning and hanging out in the afternoon. Each morning and evening we'd have main sessions, which was basically a giant church session. Worship was led by Kristian Stanfill. I had head of Stanfill before -- he has a song on the local radio station and he's recorded on the Passion CDs -- but I wasn't incredibly familiar with him. He totally ROCKS. He has a song called Like a Lion that kind of became the anthem of the week. A few other artists led worship as well, but seriously Stanfill was the worship leader who has the most rock infused worship which pretty much meant he was my favorite.

The messages were delivered by a few different people. The main guy was Jared Herd and he did an AMAZING job of relating to the kids in a way that they were absolutely enraptured by him. The them for the week was "Amplify," tuning in to God and turning up His message. Trusting Him. Knowing that He has plans for our lives. "I don't know where I'm going, but I know who I'm following" was the biggest lesson we learned that week. We tell our kids to trust God week after week but this guy? He conveyed it in a way that they got it. I've got kids dealing with heart surgery, drug addiction in the family, death of a family member, moving 900 miles away... Not to mention the things they're dealing with that I don't know about. It was awesome.

There was another guy there named Ben Glen who was a chalk artist. The kids who went in '08 had raved and raved about him and I was worried that he wouldn't live up to the hype. He is a motivational speaker who speaks at school and youth events (different things depending on the audience) and to teachers. He was diagnosed with ADHD in school and struggled a lot with it. Now in his tours, he'll talk and then "draw a pit-cher" (or the other way around -- draw and then talk). People this guy is AMAZING. He takes a giant bed sheet sized piece of canvas and turns it into an amazing piece of art. I took a video of the breakout session he did but I want to respect his work and not post it (which is a bummer because seriously this guy is AMAZING). But you can go to his YouTube channel and take a look at some of his work. Here is a short video that shows an example of his work. He actually did this drawing at Rocky and I was in tears, folks. Amazing.

Tuesday morning, a bunch of us climbed Hallet Peak in RMNP. We left campus at 6 in the morning, when the sky looked like this:

It's about a ten hour hike round trip. I didn't make it all the way to the top, sadly. I made it about 3/4 of the way. I wanted to quit about a mile before we actually did so in that respect I am INCREDIBLY proud of myself. My knees couldn't handle anymore and as much as I wanted to push myself the extra mile to the top, it just got too steep and I didn't want them to have to come and rescue me at the top of the mountain! Not to mention it was COLD up there above the treeline!

It was an amazing week. Jerome can't wait to go back in three years because he says we will make it to the top of the mountain. I personally hope we have a baby by then, but if not that's my goal, too. =)

The Hiatus is Over

2011-09-05T10:20:00.001-05:00

Well, hopefully. I've had an incredibly busy summer which will be followed by an incredibly busy fall. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like busyness, but I also like my downtime, and it's only going to get worse once youth group starts up. Just to give you an idea of what my life has entailed over the last and next month or so:

7 weddings (working 4 @ church, attending 2, and in 1 which means I also attend all the wedding events involved in that)
5 CPR/First Aid classes (2 at camp, 3 at work)
1 trip to Colorado with youth (I need to do a post on this)
Said trip to Colorado included a car accident... the first incident EVER to happen on a youth (or any group) trip at our church
Bought a new car
Got new students at school

I mean, seriously, when you look at that list you wonder if I've had time to breathe, LOL. Oh, it also means my healthy lifestyle stalled for about a month and I gained 2 pounds. D'oh! oh well, just gotta keep going...

Anyway, be on the lookout for some posts from me over the next few days.

Found This and HAD to Share...

2011-08-28T10:45:00.004-05:00

Carlos Whittaker is a Christian worship artist, a pastor, a husband, a father, a blogger... I subscribe to his blog on my Google Reader and I LOVE his posts. He's authentic in a way that I think the world needs to see Christian being. He admits he has faults. He screws up. He's human. And that's why he needs God and His Son.

Anyway, this past week he made a post for his son Losiah on his first day of preschool. Losiah was adopted from Asia about 5 years ago and he's a cute little guy. (You may have seen this YouTube video of him getting upset because Dad says he can't be a single lady.) The list is posted here for your reading pleasure, but I encourage you to check out his blog because he's AWESOME.

1. Never test the pool water with your toe. Cannonball.
2. Buy your mommy flowers. Lot’s of them.
3. The moment you want to punch that guy for demeaning your sisters, think long and hard about the last time you got in REALLY bad trouble, then punch HARD and punch FIRST.
4. Be Brave.
5. The kid in your class sitting by themselves, don’t just sit next to them, laugh with them. Just ask Bill gates and Steve Jobs.
6. When you are about to climb the highest mountain you have ever climbed, make sure your shoes laces have double knots. Your laces will take you out before the mountain will.
7. Get home by 2 am. I promise only bad things happen after 2 in the morning.
8. Don’t get a tattoo until you are at least 25. Tattoos received from 18-25 have a 99% chance of being filled with suck.
9. All the cool kids are just as scared of being found out they are fakes as you are. Fake it until you make it.
10. When you are ready, I have 2 round trip tickets to go find your birth family on the other side of the world. Just say when.
11. Jesus is not going to make a lot of sense. He’s not supposed to. But always give Him another chance. It’s you that is confused. Not Him. I promise.
It’s better that way
Dad

Hmmmm...

2011-08-05T19:50:00.002-05:00

I'm toying with the idea of staring a separate blog for teaching stuff. I'm starting a new school year a week from Monday and I think I might like a place to evaluate all my lessons and such. Plus, I've learned so much from other teacher blogs that I like the idea of possibly helping out other teachers.

I don't know... Just something I'm thinking about.

Oh Yeah!

2011-07-12T22:59:00.003-05:00

I can't believe I forgot this one.

I designed our wedding album on Shutterfly using their new "Custom Path" online software. It was incredibly easy, and while I wasn't able to do EVERYTHING I would have liked to do, I was able to do enough to make our book really special. It's been sitting in our cart for a while, just waiting for the right coupon to pop into my inbox. FInally, it did.

Not only were they offering free shipping on any order over $30, but I also had a 50% off any 12x12 photo book.

Which means I paid $37. FOr a book that would have cost over $70 once you factor in tax.

SO not only did I FINALLY cross that off of the list, I got it for WAY cheap. It's due on my doorstep any day (tracking says it's in KC right now) so I'll share when it arrives. =)

Things I'm Excited About

2011-07-11T20:16:00.002-05:00

Here are the top five things that I'm excited/obsessing about/ =)

1. Harry Potter And the Deathly Hallows Part 2. Yes, I saw the first part 5+ times -- in theaters (only once on DVD). Yes, I am seeing this one at midnight. Yes, I am working ten hour shifts on both Thursday AND Friday. Yes, I realize I'm crazy. To help feed your HP fever (you know you have it), here are some featurettes detailing different parts of the movie:

The Story of Severus Snape

Harry v. Voldemort

The Horcruxes

Gringott's and Goblins

Where We Left Off (In case you aren't crazy like me)

2. My friend Veronica is having her baby today!! She hasn't found out what she is having, so I'm excited to see how that turns out. I think it's a girl, but a lot of her friends on Facebook think it's a boy. We'll see!

3. Rocky Mountain High. I'm working 5 10 hour days this week to make up for the fact that I'm going to Colorado! One of these days, J and I will actually take a vacation on our own, but in the meantime, I enjoy our trips with the youth group. Last year we went to West Virginia, this year Colorado, and we're discussing an international trip in a few summers. I haven't been to Colorado since I was about 9 or 10, and I've never been to the conference we're going to, so it'll be exciting.

4. I'm a guest post! Remember my last post when I talked about camp? One of the ladies I met on Facebook (who went a few decades before I did) has a blog. I made a comment on her blog the other day and she turned it into a guest post! Yay for me! You can read it here.

Things I've Been Thinking About This Week

2011-07-08T21:47:00.002-05:00

This week, I had the pleasure of attending an alumni night at camp. Now, I'm only 3 years out since my last summer at camp, so while it was fun it wasn't as meaningful to me as it might have been to others. Thanks to an alumni group on Facebook (for those who worked in the '70s and '80s... they let me in 'cause they're nice and 'cause I LOVE learning about camp before I was there), I have met some really cool people and have learned a lot about some of the things I remember about my "early years" at camp (the '90s).

It's also helped me remember a lot of things about camp that were on the brink of being totally forgotten forever. I mean, when I was at camp, I was the one person who had been there the longest (15 years -- go me!) and a lot of the stuff I remembered from when I was a kid, I was alone in remembering. I would tell "remember when..." stories at 18 and the campers would look at me like I was crazy!

Some of the things I've enjoyed reminiscing about this week:

1. The old shower house. This was basically a room. With pipes across the top. No ceiling. No stalls. Psh... Modesty? What's that? The temperature of your shower depended on the time you showered. You pulled a string and that is what turned the shower on. Good luck showering with both hands because you had to hold the string the WHOLE time. By the time I was about 12, I was tall enough and had figured out how to tie the string to the pipe to keep the shower on so you could use both hands to wash my hair. OH! And there were stalls that were designated to be used for those with athlete's foot. We would hold towels up for each other while we changed (wearing flip flips, of course). If a counselor had to walk through the shower room, they had to yell "Showers off!"

2. The way camp was organized. I mean this in reference to the programs and the session lengths. When I was a camper, you had a few options: one week (Potpourri) or two? If you went two, did you want bikes (Free Wheelers), horses (Bits 'n Bridles/Saddle Sense), neither (Kaleidescope), or would you rather get to know the dirty side of camp (Roughin' It)? Or CIT/WIT. Very simple. Now you can choose 3 days, one week, or two. But you can also choose sports or theater or Harry Potter (dead serious). Perhaps you like water or arts and crafts? This change has gotten a lot of heat from former staff members. I can see both sides of the argument. On one hand, you want camp to always remain the place you went to and fell in love with. On the other, sometimes camp has to change simply because if it didn't, girls would come.

Also, in 2003, they revamped how long a two week session was. Instead of Sunday=the following Saturday, it became Sunday-the following Friday. Not a huge thing, but a big change, especially because the year they changed that was my first year as staff. Which meant that year was TOUGH for me. I almost didn't come back.

3. How much I freaking NEEDED that place. I learned a lot there -- about myself, about nature, about others, about friendships. I did a lot of growing up in those hills, and I wouldn't trade those memories for anything. <3

Wordless Wednesday

2011-06-08T06:38:00.000-05:00

Design Help

2011-06-06T17:41:00.011-05:00

Okay, folks. Let's be honest.

I stink at decorating.

Okay, maybe not stink at it, but I don't think I'm very good at it. I just don't have "the eye" to look at a piece of furniture/art/whatever and think, "OMG, that would look great in {nameyourspacehere}." I don't know if this comes from lack of creativity or lack of funds, but in any case I get very jealous when I find neat stuff on Pinterest (like this incredibly simple DIY hanging, or this super fun color combo) and pin it to my "For the Home" board. Or when my friend Sarah posts something incredible cool on her blog. (BTW... check out her Etsy store. This girl is AMAZING!!)

Anyway, we recently had company over the Memorial Day holiday, and I cleaned my house more clean than it's been in a long time. (We're not pigs or anything, just employed fulltime and involved in 3 ministries at church... Listen, I like my down time.) So, I thought I would give a house tour and talk about what I would like to do in each room. We rent, so we can't go too crazy, but our landlords don't mind if we paint and stuff. So, without further ado:

This is our guest room. It is also "the library." My husband has a sick addiction to

Christian music (at least it's not porn??). Every single one of those CDs is a Christian artist (rap, hip hop, R&B, pop, rock, metal, alternative). I really want to buy 2 of these from Best Buy and call it a day, but they are $100 a pop. Ouch. I always have an eye out for a cheap-ish CD shelving unit on Craigslist and at Goodwill/thrift stores, but I haven't had any luck. I really love the quilt on the bed. My mom gave it to me my junior (?) year in HS and it lived in its bag for like 6 years because I only had a twin and not a full. I actually have some art that I haven't put up yet that is in the same kind of color scheme and talks about the Fruit of the Spirit.

I'm just at a loss... this room has kind of become our "catchall" room -- hence the piles of stuff on the side table to the left of the bed. We don't have a lot of storage here. In our townhouse, I had a closet that ran the length of one room. It was wonderful to have that amount of storage. Now I have the closet off of here (not even gonna show you that... it's full to the brim), and a closet off of the deck, also full as it stores my bike and our luggage and some other boxes. I would love to be able to put our grill in there.

But I digress. If we get pregnant while we're still here, this will be the nursery, but it's huge. I want to also keep it somewhat functional as a guest room if that happens. I also think I want to just get rid of the full size bed altogether for now and maybe switch to a daybed or futon? Hmmm... I don't know. Any thoughts?

The next room is our room. I guess I'm happy with it -- for the most part. The bedding is the bedding we got the Christmas before we got married with a very generous gift card to Bed, Bath, and Beyond from my FIL and his GF. You can tell it's getting worn in, too. There's a hole in the fitted sheet (from IDK where... I think one of the boys poked a hole in there with one of their back claws) which also doesn't have a whole lot of elastic in there. The batting on the inside of the comforter is starting to bunch -- I keep rotating it so that it won't settle. I love the neutral tone of the bedding, though. I imagine it's easy to work with.

The bed frame is from K-Mart and was a gift from my MIL. I appreciate the nooks and crannies it has -- I store my glassed and the book I'm reading in there every night. It's incredibly important to me to have something by my head to put my glasses (and my phone -- it's my alarm) on each night since I'm blind as a bat without them (seriously... a -8.5 contact lens in each eye). I would love to one day have a "head board" that's actually a painting on the wall or something like this, but I would have to have a nightstand or something (or Lasik, LOL).

The bookshelf int he corner has some important momentos (our sand ceremony vases, a photo from our wedding, and our guestbook, as well as my diploma from Lindenwood) on it, plus all of our "non church" books (see the Harry Potter??) I would love to buy a house that has built in bookshelves, but since that's not in the cards at the moment, this is what we have.

Also, the picture frame above the bed? has one photo in it. Also a wedding gift. I just don't want our house to be all us, you know? Or our cats. Ha. I know it should be because it's our house, but I don't want it turning into a gallery of us... I need to print more photos, but that's so low on the list of "things to buy" that paycheck after paycheck goes by without me even thinking about it...

The two dressers we use belong to my best friend. We lived together at school for the last semester in a house she'd lived in for two years. So she had 2.5 years' worth of stuff by the time she moved out -- into her mother's house and eventually her fiance's house. Thus, no room for furniture. SHe needed a place to store furniture and we needed furniture, so it was kind of a win-win situation. Obviously I would love to replace these with our own stuff, but where to find good quality stuff for a good price that isn't a wreck? (Because, seriously, I can't take an old bookshelf and make it look AMAZING like Sarah can...)

Onward...

My kitchen is pretty much fine the way it is. I am planning on taking down that paper towel holder to the right of the sink, and I want to place some art on either side of the window. I've been tossing around the idea of buying some canvas and painting my own kind of abstract ones like John and Sherry at YoungHouseLove.Com did, but that would require me to have a creative bone in my body, and to have a color scheme in this room. When J and I were registering, we thought, "black and white kitchen with red!" would be really nice to have. Now I'm not so sure, LOL.

One thing I do want to do (and soon!) is paint that alcove behind my kitchen table. I bought a small sample of a really pale blue because I thought it would freshen the room up a bit, but when I got it on the wall, I decided it was too "baby boy nursery" and vetoed the idea. That table is also a longterm loaner, and I want to replace it with a round table. Possibly something taller. I think it'll help open the room up a little more. I would also love to hang something up on the wall above the alcove. Possibly a series of photos.

We have an open floor plan from the kitchen into the living room with vaulted ceilings (squeal!). By the time I got around to taking photos, J was lounging on the couch so I didn't want to take a photo. I will, though, I promise.

And, lastly, here is our bathroom. I actually love the color scheme in here so I'm not looking to change much. I need an idea of what to put on that top shelf of our over the toilet vanity. I also really want to take out the medicine cabinet to the left of the sink, and win a mirror decal from YoungHouseLove to put around the edge of our mirror.

Hope you enjoyed my home tour! If you have ANY ideas, leave me a comment!

PS: There's a reason I never post with photos... It took me at least an hour to get Blogger to load all my photos and put them where I wanted them. Argh.

Menu Planning

2011-06-03T14:32:00.004-05:00

Do you menu plan? Two weeks ago was my first time and let me tell ya, I will be doing it again. First, I subscribed to E-Mealz a few weeks ago. We have the Aldi plan for 2. We don't eat everything off of there (I'm incredibly picky), and I don't buy everything at Aldi (I wouldn't touch their ground beef with a ten foot pole) so it costs a little more per week than what it says, but I have gotten some great ideas from there. I also am on Pinterest and am finding great ideas to cook on there.

I'm still trying to figure out my own system. I found this on Pinterest and I like her style. She didn't have an editable template (just a PDF file) so I made my own. In order to view it properly once it's downloaded, you have to have the Quicksand font installed.

It's nice because I know exaclty what we're having and I don't ever have the nights where we're like, "What's for dinner?" "Well, nothing's defrosted... Let's go get food from {fillintherestauranthere}. " Saved us a lot of money, especially since J accidentally got shorted on his check last time. So I'm in the process of planning the next two weeks so I can shop tomorrow and I have 3 empty spaces left.

What food do you like to cook?

Weight Loss Journey Update

2011-05-30T12:30:00.003-05:00

I haven't updated on my weight loss journey in a while.

I don't weight myself weekly. I determined from the beginning that this was going to be a lifestyle change in me, not something that was a fad or a fleeting thing, so I didn't want to put a lot of pressure on myself to lose a certain amount in a certain time frame. My goal was 30 pounds in 12 months. If I lost it all in 6 months, great. If it too the whole 12, that's great too. If I didn't make it all the way, then... well, that would be a bummer, but if that was the case I'd just try again.

I started weighing myself every other week. Now it's more like once a month. I lost a LOT those first two or three months and I didn't want to be disappointed when I wasn't losing as quickly towards the middle and end. And you can see that I actually gained 2 pounds at one point. I didn't let it slow me down. We'd had a lot of snow days (and I'm a boredom eater) so I just reencrouaged myself to keep going. Here's my breakdown:

Jan. 1: 228.0

Jan. 16: 222.6

Jan. 31: 218.4

Feb. 16: 219.6

Mar. 6: 220

Mar. 27: 217.6

Apr. 10: 216.8

May 24: 211.8

My total weight loss so far is 16.2, which I think is pretty gos darn good. We're about halfway done with the year and I'm more than halfway done with my goal.

One of the most popular questions I get is "How are you doing it?"

Honestly, it was a total attitude change. I knew I was a boredom/stress eater. I knew that potato products are my weakness (seriously... I have no problem passing up ice cream or a Snickers bar, but ask me if I want the tortilla chips or the fries with my entree and I will almost always cave). I knew that I needed to get more active. I knew that if I didn't have a gym buddy, I wouldn't get there regularly. SO I found checks and balances to those things before I started all of this.

1. I tracked my diet (not diet like lose weight diet but like everything i eat diet) for about a month to see when I ate and what I ate and how much I ate. I found that I often eat mutliple servings of things. Like, I would just fill a bowl until it looked "full enough." With our Jambalaya, for example (we eat it a lot in our house), I was eating at least twice as much as I needed to and feeling full. I desperately needed to change that.

2. After I tracked everything, I revamped what I ate. I now use mayo made with olive oil, fat free cheese, fat free yogurt (which I was already eating -- I like the Yoplait, or Weight Watchers brands and Aldi has 2 yum flavors that I like in their Fit & Active line). I incorporate more fruits and veggies into every meal (the fruit isn't hard, it's the veggies that are hard because I don't like many). We drastically cut our "eating out" budget so that we're eating at home more (saves money AND calories because I have a drive to finish everything on my plate since I'm paying for it all, you know?) I continued to track for 3 months every single thing that went in my mouth. I don't track anymore but I probably will start again soon.

3. I drink water. I cannot stress this enough. I was never much of a soda drinker, but when I'm stressed the fizziness definitely soothes me. Needless to say, I drank a lot of soda throughout most of Sept-Nov because I was so stressed at my old job. Now I use a water bottle or a cup (I have this cute one from Family Christian and desperately want another one) all day every day. I fill it (or have my kids fill it) 5 times in the course of my 10 hour work day. When I want some flavor, I use the Crystal Light packets. I like the Strawberry and Grape ones and also the Raspberry Lemonade.

4. I hit the gym at least 2x a week. Sometimes only once, sometimes 3x, but 2x is a definite because I go with a friend. Towards the end of April I was so busy with church stuff that I regrettably have to inform you that I didn't go to the gym for a while. Shameful, I know. I was actually shocked when I got on the scale and had maintained my weight. Anyway, I go with my friend L on Sunday afternoons and we do about half an hour on the elliptical machine. This is our time to catch up on the week's happenings in each other's lives because when we meet up on Tuesdays we take a class. For a while I was trying to get in a third day swimming in the pool but I'm so wiped after work that I haven't been going. now I'm off on Thursdays, though, so I'm planning on utilizing those days from now on.

On Tuesday nights, L and I go to BodyFlow. It's a tai chi, yoga, and pilates combination and at first I was skeptical. A lot of yoga has its roots in Eastern religion cultures and finding your center in yourself -- a lot of things I theologically disagree with. But the first night we were there -- Valentine's day week -- the instructor played Shadowfeet by Brooke Fraser (of Hillsong) and it was like God was saying, "It's okay for you to do yoga. At the end of class we have a 10 minute period where we just relax (seriously -- what other class can you do that in??) and I often use that time to pray and meditate on my church's Dwelling scripture for the week. Very cool. Anyway, I feel like I get such a workout every week and I really want to take a second class. I'll probably start taking the Saturday morning class at my gym.

4. I'm not too hard on myself. I think this is extremely important. I never had a terrible self image to begin with, but I wasn't happy. I didn't like how I looked in photos, and I could only imagine what I would look like once I got pregnant and gained x amount of pounds. I also wanted to just be in better shape. We have a conference coming up in July in the Rockies and one of the things we do is hike a mountain. I want to do that and accomplish that without dying in the process. I also am a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding in October and I want to look nice for that.

Anyway, back to the not being to hard on my self. That month where I gained weight was just motivation to keep going. So I backtracked for a few weeks. It's not the end of the world. Just keep pressing on. I also still allow myself a few things: regular ranch (because I think FF ranch is just NASTY), a candy bar every now and then, and a "calorie binge" every few weeks. Want to eat half of a pizza? Go for it. As long as it's not a daily or even a weekly thing, your weight is not going to balloon. And, yes, I still have my bad days where I feel like I"m CONSTANTLY eating, but I just get back on my horse the next day.

This journey isn't just about losing weight. The weight loss is a number I put on the assignment so that there was something tangible to track. I'm losing weight so I can get into shape, so I can get pregnant, so I can buy new clothes (YES!), and so I can build healthy habits I hope to pass onto my children. But mostly, what I'm finding is a confidence in myself that I didn't know I lacked. I thought I was confident and that I didn't have a body image issue, but the fact is that I did. And in the last 6 months, I have found a part of me that wants to be pretty and now I feel pretty. I am more conscious of what I'm wearing, I fix my hair, I'm starting to get more interested in fashion jewelry, and I feel sexier (to the delight of J, LOL).

I still have 6 months to go. I know there may be a weigh in here and there where I've gained a bit and that's okay. It's not the end of the world. I'm really enjoying this journey. I'm enjoying my BodyFlow class. I love that I can see one of my best friends 2x a week.

And I love that new clothes lie at the end. =)

2011-05-30T12:09:00.005-05:00

Have you heard of Pinterest? It's my new obsession. I've found a whole lot of teaching ideas, hair styles, weight loss motivation on there. For example:

^This^ is something I found on there on someone's design/crafty board and thought, "What a GREAT idea! Such a fun, new way to paint!" It's a block of wood wrapped in yarn. So cool!

This is one of the first things I found on there. I mean, who thinks of these things? This seems so obvious, but I NEVER would have thought of it!! This could be used with word families, math facts, etc. Genius!

Here is a screenshot of my teaching board from there:

I also have a board for style, weight loss motivation, ideas for the home, nursery ideas (NO -- not preggers... just compiling ideas), recipes to make... It's amazing and I have spent WAY too much time on there in the last few weeks.

Seriously, you should try it. =)

Mostly...

2011-05-23T22:03:00.004-05:00

You are about to read a post of ramblings from my brain. I just need to get this off of my chest.

I want a baby.

For most of you, this is not news. I talk about wanting to be a mom all the time but that "it's not the right time," or "we're enjoying our alone time." Which is all true.

Mostly.

The truth is, a few months ago, J gave the go ahead to let the chips fall where they fall. We both know that God is going to give us a family when He's ready to give us a family. (No, we're not Dugger-y in that way... we just trust in what He has in store for us.) And really? I'm okay with that.

Mostly.

I'm halfway through my weightloss journey (officially -- woohoo! 15 pounds lighter!) and honestly I was expecting something to have changed. But my cycle is still wonky and I feel like a baby isn't in our cards right now. Which is okay.

Mostly.

Then there's the part of me that wishes, hopes, dreams, to start our family now. I thought I might be pregnant about 6 weeks ago. Took a test. BFN (Big Fat Negative, to those not up on the lingo). So, okay, no baby for now. That's a good thing, right? Right.

Mostly.

But let's face it, people. There are a few things I feel called by God to do: sing, teach, and be a wife and mom. I'm actually doing 3 of the 4, and I know that when God wants us to have a baby then we'll have one, and we're not actively trying, but... I don't even know how to put it into words.

I'm involved on a message board that I've been on since shortly after getting engaged. A lot of the ladies who got married shortly before/after me are pregnant. Or have had a baby. So I'm reading all of these announcements and listening to all of their questions and worries and whatnot, and a small (okay, maybe not that small) part of me is -- I'll just say it -- jealous. *I* want to be pregnant. *I* want to be planning a nursery. *I* want to be worrying about my clothes not fitting and finding the perfect preschool and omigod how are we going to afford everything and what if they have bad reflux or need tubes or are sick all of the time?

I want to grow a human inside myself.

Mostly.

The other side of me thinks about how much debt we can pay down now before we have a baby. It thinks about how nice it is to sleep 8 hours straight. It thinks about how I'm enjoying this new, 213 pound version of myself. I thinks about how life right now is good. I have a good husband who loves me (even though I can be a PITA sometimes...) and two cats who need as much attention as any baby. I have a great job where I can go and play with kids all day.

And then I'm good. For a while at least. Until someone else announces that they're pregnant. And I'm excited for them, really, but I get that pang again.

It's not like I've lost a baby. No miscarriages here, folks. Never been pregnant at all, which raises a new set of worries.

So for now, I sit and think about the baby I want in the future. I plan hypothetical nurseries. I read about other people's journeys and think that someday it will be my journey. And whether that someday is soon or far along down the road, I'm okay with that.

Mostly.

Fall TV 2011-2012

2011-05-14T11:22:00.003-05:00

In case you missed it, most of the networks announced their fall TV schedules. Some of my favorites (Parenthood, Harry's Law, and Brothers & Sisters) hadn't officially been renewed and I was worried. But two out of three ain't bad.

Parenthood and Harry's Law were renewed. Hurray! They're both relatively new and I was hoping NBC would realize the potential in them both and renew them. B&S had run its course, so I'm kind of okay with it being cancelled. Their season finale, since their fate was still up in the air, was a good closure kind of episode.

Anyway, here is the list of renewals from TVGuide.Com.

I'm not surprised that as of now One Tree Hill is unknown. I'm actually surprised it's still on. I quit watching when Peyton and Lucas left, because, frankly, they were One Tree Hill...

Why I Love Teaching

2011-05-04T14:02:00.002-05:00

Kids really DO say the darnedest things. Cases in point:

I was making a sign reminding parents that we close early on Good Friday (this was Wed. beforehand).

G: What are you doing?

Me: making a sign reminding your parents to pick you up early on Friday.

G: Why?

Me: 'Cause we're closing early.

G: Oh, yeah. 'Cause God died for us on Friday.

Me: (Totally blown away by this statement) That's right! What's special about Sunday?

G: That's when the Easter Bunny comes.

Welp, she's almost there.

On Good Friday, I asked my kids who got a new dress for Easter. This got them talking about church. N said she goes on Saturdays and I was curious so I asked her if she was Jewish. She had no idea so I asked her to describe her church.

N: Well, there's a guy who talks. And we stand and then sit and then get on our knees a lot.

Me: Is there a cross on the wall?

N: Yes.

Me: With a guy on it?"

I: That's Jesus Christ. Christ is His last name.

T lives with his grandparents because both his parents are deceased. He is not embarrassed or sad about this. He will tell you point blank that his parents are dead.

A: Whoa, Momma!

T: Whoa, Grandma!

Me: Are your listening ears on, everybody?

M: My ears are on, and ready to rock and roll.

I: Miss Jessica?

Me: Yes, I?

I: I love you.

Me: Aw, I love you, too, baby.

G: Almost all of us love you.

Seriously, pre kindergarteners are AWESOME. I loved my 2's, don't get me wrong, and they said some funny stuff, but my 5's amaze me, not just in the funny things they say, but the quesitons they ask. This group in particular is just full of SPONGES. Seriously, we're way past where they SHOULD be for Kindergarten. They could probably skip to the 2nd semester of Kindergarten or even 1st grade and most of them would be fine. We just keep throwing stuff at them and they keep wanting more. I love it.

Next year's group will probably prove to be quite the challenge. Their group dynamic is totally different (they're boy heavy as opposed to our 5/11 boy/girl ratio now) and they have a hard time sitting still. They're a busy group of kids and I actually welcome the challenge. My student teaching class was a fairly easy class, too, so having my "rotten" class from the get go sounds nice. Get it out of the way for seven years, LOL. (Seriously, though, they aren't rotten. Please don't misconstrue what I mean. I welcome the challenge.) I know that some things we do now will have to change and our whole approach to learning may have to change, but I'm excited for it.

But, for now, I relish in my sponge class. This week we're learning about ocean animals and I looked up some YouTube videos on my phone with while sounds and played them. They kept asking me questions. Thank God for my Android phone; I just searched for the answers. Yesterday we were talking about Kentucky (we're on a states unit in Social Studies) and one of the kids asked why Frankfort was named Frankfort. Seriously, these kids keep me on my toes and they are teaching ME things because I'm constantly having to look stuff up to answer their questions.

I love teaching, and I love that I love teaching. I love that I have known what I wanted to do since I was a little girl -- and that it pretty much stayed that way as I grew older. I love my job.

(Oh, and here's the story behind the name of Frankfort: "The town of Frankfort likely received its name from an event that took place in 1780s when Native Americans attacked a group of pioneers from Bryan’s Station who were making salt at a ford in the Kentucky River. One of the pioneers, Stephen Frank, was killed and the crossing became known as "Frank’s Ford." This name was later shortened to Frankfort.")

I love this

2011-04-25T09:42:00.001-05:00

Found this online at Michael Bleecker's blog

RELIGION: I obey-therefore I’m accepted.

THE GOSPEL: I’m accepted-therefore I obey.

RELIGION: Motivation is based on fear and insecurity.

THE GOSPEL: Motivation is based on grateful joy.

RELIGION: I obey God in order to get things from God.

THE GOSPEL: I obey God to get to God-to delight and resemble Him.

RELIGION: When circumstances in my life go wrong, I am angry at God or my self, since I believe, like Job’s friends that anyone who is good deserves a comfortable life.

THE GOSPEL: When circumstances in my life go wrong, I struggle but I know all my punishment fell on Jesus and that while he may allow this for my training, he will exercise his Fatherly love within my trial.

RELIGION: When I am criticized I am furious or devastated because it is critical that I think of myself as a ‘good person’. Threats to that self-image must be destroyed at all costs.

THE GOSPEL: When I am criticized I struggle, but it is not critical for me to think of myself as a ‘good person.’ My identity is not built on my record or my performance but on God’s love for me in Christ. I can take criticism.

RELIGION: My prayer life consists largely of petition and it only heats up when I am in a time of need. My main purpose in prayer is control of the environment.

THE GOSPEL: My prayer life consists of generous stretches of praise and adoration. My main purpose is fellowship with Him.

RELIGION: My self-view swings between two poles. If and when I am living up to my standards, I feel confident, but then I am prone to be proud and unsympathetic to failing people. If and when I am not living up to standards, I feel insecure and inadequate. I’m not confident. I feel like a failure.

THE GOSPEL: My self-view is not based on a view of my self as a moral achiever. In Christ I am “simul iustus et peccator”—simultaneously sinful and yet accepted in Christ. I am so bad he had to die for me and I am so loved he was glad to die for me. This leads me to deeper and deeper humility and confidence at the same time. Neither swaggering nor sniveling.

RELIGION: My identity and self-worth are based mainly on how hard I work. Or how moral I am, and so I must look down on those I perceive as lazy or immoral. I disdain and feel superior to ‘the other.’

THE GOSPEL: My identity and self-worth are centered on the one who died for His enemies, who was excluded from the city for me. I am saved by sheer grace. So I can’t look down on those who believe or practice something different from me. Only by grace I am what I am. I’ve no inner need to win arguments.

RELIGION: Since I look to my own pedigree or performance for my spiritual acceptability, my heart manufactures idols. It may be my talents, my moral record, my personal discipline, my social status, etc. I absolutely have to have them so they serve as my main hope, meaning, happiness, security, and significance, whatever I may say I believe about God.

THE GOSPEL: I have many good things in my life—family, work, spiritual disciplines, etc. But none of these good things are ultimate things to me. None of them are things I absolutely have to have, so there is a limit to how much anxiety, bitterness, and despondency they can inflict on me when they are threatened and lost.

Just an update

2011-04-23T08:31:00.001-05:00

I bought an Easter dress last night.

I don't know what I'm more excited about.

The fact that it's originally $90 and I got it for less than $40.

Or that it's a size 14.

Day 14: A Picture of...

2011-04-05T06:41:00.002-05:00

...someone I can't live without.

Anyone see a theme??

Day 13: A Picture of...

2011-04-04T12:31:00.000-05:00

...your favorite band or artist.

Again, do I really have to pick?? Here are my current top three:

(From L to R -- BarlowGirl, Casting Crowns, Switchfoot)

Day 12: A Picture of...

2011-04-03T14:27:00.001-05:00

...something you love.

Day 11: A Picture of...

2011-04-02T15:23:00.000-05:00

...something you hate.

Seriously. That's nasty crap.

2011-04-02T14:04:00.001-05:00

Even Sebastian likes nice weather.

Day 9: A Picture of...

2011-03-31T22:15:00.001-05:00

...the person who has gotten you through the most.

I have a lot of relationship baggage from my boyfriend in high school, and J has been so patient, kind, and understanding through it all.

Day 8: A Picture...

2011-03-30T07:14:00.000-05:00

...that makes you laugh.

I have a whole album of stuff I find online that makes me laugh.

Day 7: A Picture of...

2011-03-29T06:37:00.001-05:00

...your most treasured item.

This makes me feel really materialistic, but the wording is "item," so here goes:

When J got his Motorola DROID in November 2008, I was like, "I'll never want/need a smart phone. Those things are so expensive and such a waste of money." Open mouth, insert foot. I love my phone. I love that I have access to all my Google calendar, which I have color coded depending on what aspect of my life it affects (seriously, the OCD side of me LOVES this!!). Plus, when I do get a Nook, I'll be able to read those books on my phone if I don't have the Nook with me. I look up teaching ideas at school, I know that weather. Man, when did I become such a tech geek??

Day 6: A Picture of...

2011-03-28T09:33:00.000-05:00

...Something You'd Like to Do Again

I would love to go back to the Goshen Valley Boys Ranch in Georgia. My friend T gets to go back in June or July and I'm SO FREAKING JEALOUS. Please refer to my blog post about this trip here.

Day 5: A Picture of...

2011-03-27T22:17:00.001-05:00

...your favorite memory.

Besides the obvious:

This is also a favorite:

I had surprised J at our rehearsal with a song he wanted to be sung at the wedding but I vetoed. My stepbrother learned how to play it and I sang it to J during our slideshow, but I got so emotional I had to look at the ceiling while I was singing otherwise I would have LOST IT.

Day 4: A Picture of...

2011-03-26T11:47:00.002-05:00

...your night.

WTF does this mean??

Haha. I guess my average night would look like this:

Mostly my night is used for doing absolutely nothing since my days are constantly go-go-go (but whose isn't??). Usually J and I end up in bed catching up on the DVR, which the boys get comfy at our feet...

Day 3: A Picture of...

2011-03-25T14:36:00.002-05:00

...the cast from your favorite show.

Off-air:

{Image from http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs11/i/2006/203/e/1/Gilmore_Girls_Cast_by_kitsunegari16.jpg}

On-air, I can't choose. I have a few absolute favorites:

Day 2: A Picture of You...

2011-03-24T21:40:00.002-05:00

...And the person you have been closest to the longest.

I big puffy heart my mom and my brother. My brother Matt and I have a GREAT relationship, and I blame my mom for that. Well, my mom and my dad. They never really played the "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister" game, and when they divorced in 1997, I had to stay home after school and take care of Matt. As a result, he and I became super close. I lvoe that I can count my brother as one of my best friends. Same with my mom. We've never really had terrible arguments about anything, or had any of those "I hate you" moments as I grew up.

Day 1: A Picture of Yourself...

2011-03-23T14:23:00.002-05:00

...With 15 facts

1. I'm trying to teach myself how to play the guitar (I already know how to play bass, as you can see).

2. I think we overpay for our membership to the gym, but it's got a pool and 2 of my best friends work out there, so I'm willing to pony up the price.

3. I like to cook, but I'm terrified of burning what I'm making/totally screwing it up.

4. When I was a kid I really wanted to be an actress.

5. In fact, I still have dreams of stardom -- but as a Christian singer/in a Christian band.

6. I SUCK at video games. At least the RPG ones -- I'm pretty decent at Mario games and I really enjoy puzzle games..

7. One of my most favorite moments of my life -- other than saying "I Do" was when I surprised J with a song at our wedding rehearsal.

8. As huge of a role as camp has played in my life, I definitely feel that I left at a good time. I miss it, of course, but not in a "man, I really wish I could go back" kind of a way -- just a "man, those were good times," kind of a way.

9. I love my cats, and I love watching J interact with them.

10. I am a CPR instructor, and I used ot be a swim instructor; these two qualifications, I think, really helped me snag my job.

11. I'm planning on starting grad school in the fall for literacy -- reading specialist. I'm loving teaching my pre-K kids early reading skills.

12. I love jelly beans, but not cheap ones -- Starburst ones are my favorite.

13. I really hope to pay off as much of our debt as possible before we have children, because Jerome earns enough to pay for pretty much everything, which means I could stay home for a while with our kid(s).

14. I want to buy a Nook Color with my first wedding paycheck (I'm the facilities supervisor at church) and turn it into an Android tablet.

15. I love my youth kids, but I think God is calling me to a different ministry at my church...

Blogging Challenge

2011-03-23T14:06:00.000-05:00

Just 'cause it's fun:

Day 1- A picture of yourself with fifteen facts
Day 2 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 3 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 4 - A picture of your night
Day 5 - A picture of your favorite memory
Day 6 - A picture of something you'd like to do again
Day 7 - A picture of your most treasured item
Day 8 - A picture that makes you laugh
Day 9 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Day 12 - A picture of something you love
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 - A picture of a favorite summer activity
Day 19 - A picture of a phrase you live by
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change
Day 25 - A picture of your day
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

Slimmin' on Down

2011-03-20T19:05:00.002-05:00

It's been slow going, but I officially weigh 10 pounds less than I did at the beginning of the year, which puts me well on track to lose 30 pounds this year.

It got a little unsure there for a while -- I think I've only been to the gym five times this month (used to be three times a week) because I got so busy. I was still paying attention to what I ate, though, and while my weight went up about a pound a few weeks ago, I lost 2 pounds overt the last two weeks.

My best friend is getting married in 7 months and we went to try on bridesmaid dresses recently and I realized 2 things: 1) I'm excited about the weight I'm losing and 2)I really miss my swimmer arms. So while my goal is still to lose 30 pounds, I'm also focusing on getting those arms back. =)

And because I like cute videos, check out this video of a cute baby who is part scared/part amused by his mom blowing her nose:

Thoughts from My Brain (You've been warned...)

2011-03-07T08:42:00.002-06:00

*Last week was INSANE for me. With the exception of Monday (my day off) I worked everyday, then had church every evening. EVERY evening. Tuesday and Friday were all the way out in Warrenton, too, because I had agreed to help them out on the bass with a women's conference. No time to myself, no time to go to the gym. Yesterday was the first day I've been able to get to the gym in almost 2 weeks, AND I haven't been tracking my food. However, I maintained my weight from my weigh in on Feb. 15. That weigh in was 219.5, yesterday's weigh in was 220.6 -- but I had just eaten lunch so I don't count that pound, LOL. Oh, and I wore a pair of pants that hadn't been in rotation in about 8 months. =) This makes me very happy.

*Some changes are going down at my church and I think God is leading me in a direction involving that change. Very vague and nondescript, I know, but I can't go into details. Nothing is WRONG with my church; the change just involves a vacancy that I might be interested in. I'm just trying to figure out if it's for real from God or just me thinking, "Hey that would be cool..."

*I bought a bird feeder for out on the patio 'cause I knew the boys would like watching the birds. Paulie this morning went to pounce on one as it flew by and hit his head on the glass door. I didn't see it, only heard it, but J saw it and said it was hilarious.

*I officially applied to grad school. I applied to my alma mater, LU, even though everyone I know has been telling me not to go to grad school where you went for undergrad -- but the program I want to go for is AMAZING at LU so I'm tempted to say screw that advice, LOL. I'm still loving my job, too. It's a lot of fun and I love working with the kids. I had 2 girls the other day read "Green Eggs and Ham" to me. It was pretty much amazing.

*I'm researching getting rid of our cable. We have AT&T U-Verse and love it, don't get me wrong, but if I can reduce what we way for TV I will be a happy camper. We get the 200 channel package and pay $69 for it, plus $7 for a second receiver in the bedroom, which equals about $78 once you include tax. Right now they have an offer for $30/mo/6 mo offer going. I want to call and ask for the deal, but have never done something like that before. Even though I am thinking about getting rid of U-Verse, I don't want to threaten that I'm going to cancel my plan, mostly because I think that's kind of a shady practice. But if I can save almost $50?? I'm tempted...

*I've also been looking at options to watch subscription services on the TV. We have an older, "standard" TV which means I can't hook up the computer to the TV and be able to watch online content. We subscribe to Netflix on the Wii and the PS3 which is nice, esp. since recently they've been adding a whole lot of stuff. A FB friend of mine recently suggested a Roku box -- it will stream Netflix, Hulu-Plus, and some other channel options, but I can't access, say, NBC.Com to watch Harry's Law, or CBS.Com to watch How I Met Your Mother. J's big hold-out is soccer -- not that he watches even half of the games he records. So I'm looking into FoxSoccer.TV, which will not only give him access to the games but also a subscription to the iPhone app -- that will definitely make him a happy camper. (For those of you keeping track, we'd pay approximately $32 before tax for TV if we subscribe to those three services.) We would probably go the route of this converter box instead of the Roku, though, because we would be able to watch online content. Hmmm... choices, choices.

American Idol 2011: Top 24

2011-03-02T22:06:00.003-06:00

There are only 2 guys I really care about making it through tomorrow night: Jordan and Casey. Not because I dont like anyone else, just because I feel more vested in them. I like James Durbin's story but not his music style. (Yes, I was and still am an Adam Lambert hater.) The girls, though, I care about. It's a really tough choice between them all. But before I get into my picks, ley me talk about the season in general.

I loved the new dynamic Jennifer and Steven brought to the table. I think that a lot of purple made it through this year who wouldn't have in years past simply because they were good singers and deserved another shot. (I think that some people have been overlooked in the past because they lacked "the look.") They seemed to be having fun, and they brought good advice to the contestants. However, I feel like they are being too nice now. They liked a majority of the performances over the last two nights, and then Randy got booed for starting what we were all thinking.

I think the way they're eliminating this year kind of sucks. I know they started way late and if they were to do it the way they have most often would have pushed the show into June, but we haven't gotten a chance to get to know any of the singers and their style. To ask us to choose 5 really stinks. I think were going to lose some really good contestants too early in the game.

That said, here are my picks for the girls.

Karen Rodriguez. Oh. My. Goodness. Can you say amazing? She really pulled me in with Hero, and even though I can't speak Spanish, I thought the language change was beautifully done. I worry, though, that she may alienate took many viewers if she does Spanish songs all the time. Then again, maybe there are more Latinos who watch than I think... She's beautiful, too; that dress was STUNNING.

Lauren Turner. Every season has to have a rock chick, but I haven't always been a fan. A few seasons ago there was Amanda something-or-other and I wasn't a big fan. LOVE Lauren, though. I'm worried she won't make it through, though, because we didn't see any of her throughout the auditions or Hollywood week.

Lauren Alaina. Wow, this girl is only 16? I'm not a fan of country, so I don't really foresee myself buying her album ('cause you know she'll get a deal whether she gets far or not) but I love her spirit and the power behind her voice. She really looked like she was having a blast up there tonight!

Pia Toscano. Are you freaking kidding me? What a way to end the show. She's beautiful, the song was beautiful. The end. Put her through.

Those are the girls I think SHOULD make it to the next round and for whom I seriously might cry if they don't. Here is who else I thought was good/deserve another chance:

Kendra Chantelle.

Rachel Zavida (I kind of liked her rendition of Fiona Apple's "Criminal"

I have a feeling Ashton or Ta-Tynisa will make it through, though, because they have the R&B diva-esque vibe going for them.

What do you think? Who will make it through?

All photos of contestants were taken from the American Idol website.

Book of James

2011-02-28T09:45:00.003-06:00

Casting Crowns's Mark Hall is doing a video Bible study on the book of James.

Check out the first video here.

"God loves you just the way you are, but He refuses to leave you that way."

Godly Marriage

2011-02-23T06:57:00.002-06:00

**I want to warn the casual reader that I'm about to get real deep in something God has put on my heart recently. If you're not in a spot in your life where you're comfortable discussing God, you may want to skip this post 'casue it's full of Him.**

Recently, it's like God has been making me think about marriage -- mine in particular. no, there's not "trouble in paradise" but there are things that J and I agreed to when we got married that we've kind of fallen through on. The idea that he should be the head of me, to lead us in prayer/devotions/what have you is something that we took seriously two years ago as we said our vows, but we haven't particularly delivered on that promise.

There are verses all over the Bible, particularly the new testament that discuss the role of the husband and the wife. Husbands are to be the head of the family, and the wife is to submit to her husband. This makes people incredible on edge: "My husband will not control me." "That's right woman, I'm in charge."

Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church did two sermons about two years ago about the role of the man and the woman in marriage. I haven't listened to all of the one about women, but J and I listened to the message about men. Warning: He is BLUNT. I mean, he doesn't skirt around the issue. Towards the end, he even YELLS at his congregation (and those of us listening), telling men "shame on you" for not respecting women in a way that God calls them to do.

I also listened to this teaching from Marcus Mecum of Seven Hills Church (we went there one Sunday last summer as we passed through Cincinnati on our mission trip and were incredibly impressed). This one is about men's role in the church. It's not as blunt as Driscoll's teaching, but it is still very straightforward -- men have to counsel younger men in being leaders in the church. Women outnumber men in the church, partly because so much of the "church experience" relates to aspects that women identify with -- feelings and "talking" and whatnot. Young men are getting lost in the shuffle because older men aren't taking the time to mentor them, and older men aren't taking the time to align themselves with God's image anyway.

I'm trying not to be too preachy, because my husband and I have dropped the ball as well, but God intended marriage to be this way for a reason. "As goes the father, so goes the family, so goes the community, so goes the world." That was something a professor of mine said in one of my ministry classes in school, and I think it's incredibly true, especially now. If men would step up and take care of their families, we would start seeing a difference in the world.

Series Finales

2011-02-21T09:41:00.003-06:00

I'm a sucker for 'em. I love seeing old clips from the series and most of the time I cry because I am incredibly sentimental. Boy Meets World is one finale that ALWAYS gets to me. It ended almost eleven years ago and I have seen the finale at least five times, but the last scene when they're with Mr. Feeny gets me every. single. time.

Paint Advice...

2011-02-17T17:40:00.001-06:00

We currently rent our condo, but the owners are allowing us to paint if we want so long as we prime it before we move out. (we know we dont want to buy it because we want to buy a house when the time comes.) One of the things I want to do is paint our kitchen. We have this nice little nook that would fit a round table nicely, so when my friend and her fiance take the rectangle one back, that's first on our list to buy (when we graduated college, J and I needed furniture and she needed storage, so it all worked out nicely).

First things first, though, I would like to paint that nook but I can't think of a good color. originally our kitchen color scheme was going to be black, white, and red, but that isn't really a priority... I want the kitchen to look nice but I'm kind of on a budget and I'm decorating challenged.

So my question for you all: what color should we paint that nook and why?

(oh, and please ignore that crap on the table...it's kind of our catch all for junk since we only easy at it when we have company...)

Wordless Wednesday

2011-02-16T14:19:00.001-06:00

Cooking

2011-02-07T13:57:00.003-06:00

I've never been much of a cook. I am too afraid that I'll burn/overseason/undercook whatever I'm making and waste all that food. I really need to take some lessons with more experienced cooks, like G at church whose food is DELISH. As a result, we have the same things over and over again.

Here are some staples in our house:
-Tacos
-Sloppy Joes
-Jambalaya
-Burgers and homemade fries
-Zesty BBQ Chicken

I've started to explore other things to make, especially those on SkinnyTaste.com. Gina takes classic recipes and finds a healthier way to make them. She posts all nutrition info, including Weight Watchers points (old and new). About a week and a half ago, I bit the bullet:

That is "Crock Pot Chicken Taco Chili" (image from the website). I made it a few weeks ago and it was AMAZING. Last time I made it I only used half a can of kidney beans because I am not a bean person, and because I was making it for 2 people. I also only used one can of diced tomatoes. And I didn't have any cumin or cilantro and I didn't add chili peppers. It was plenty spicy, though, because the only taco seasoning I had in the house was the hot and spicy blend by Old El Paso. I ate it alone and with macaroni noodles, fresh out of the crock pot, and as leftovers. No matter when you make or eat this, it's wonderful. I'm making it again today and again for our church's chili supper in about 3 weeks.

The fact that we both enjoyed this (and I would say I can be fairly picky) means it's made its way into our meal rotation, and that I'm more interested in trying new recipes. I have a few more that are on my list to try:

Chicken Pot Pie Soup
Chicken Enchiladas
Lighter Macaroni and Cheese (mostly because J LOVES his mom's mac & cheese but I'm not a big fan)
Skinny Sloppy Joes
Baked Ziti with Spinach
Baked Chipotle Sweet Potato Frieds

Mobile Blogging

2011-02-06T22:17:00.001-06:00

I have been waiting and waiting and waiting for Google to release an official Blogger app an now they have, so this is my first attempt at Blogging "on the go." I have also activated a mobile template so if you view my blog in a mobile phone, it is optimized for viewing.

I'm a geek. I know.

Snow Day for My Birthday

2011-01-31T23:54:00.006-06:00

St. Louis is getting hit with a snowstorm of "historical proportions" according to the news. We got some freezing rain today and they're calling for almost a foot of snow tomorrow. A lot of schools called snow schedules. My center even closed at 12. And now it's closed tomorrow, along with practically the whole city. So I get a snow day for my birthday. Woo hoo!

So here's what's been happening in life for the last two weeks:

1. I read a good book. I didn't even realize it was a Christian fiction book until I saw who the publisher was. Fireflies in December was written by Jennifer Erin Valent and it takes place in Virginia in the 1930s. Jessilyn's family takes in Gemma -- the daughter of their black farm foreman -- after her parents are killed. To them, it's not big deal, but to the town of Calloway, VA, it is a huge deal. Jessie and Gemma have to look hatred in the face and be courageous in their own beliefs. I absolutely fell in love with Jessilyn and Gemma, and couldn't put the book down. I wanted to keep reading and was disappointed when their story came to a close.

2. I lost another 4 pounds. That puts me close to 10 pounds down since the beginning of the year. This totally keeps me motivated to keep on truckin' with watching what I eat and how often I get to the gym. I'm pumped.

3. I filed our taxes. We're getting just shy of a grand and it's all going to pay off 2 more credit cards. This is also keeping me motivated to stay with the "snowball effect." Once those are paid off, we'll be making $150 payments to a card that "only" has about a $400 balance on it. At this rate, we could have a decent chunk taken out of our credit card debt by the end of the year. Woo hoo!!

Some Success

2011-01-18T20:23:00.003-06:00

If you're my friend on Facebook, you know this already, but I wanted to report it here anyway.

On January4, my weigh in was 228 on the nose.

On January 16, my weigh in was 222.6.

Which means I've already lost 5.5 pounds. If there was anything to keep me motivated going to the gym, it was those 4 little numbers.

I'm 1/6 of the way to my goal of 30 pounds and I'm ecstatic.

To be honest, I haven't changed much in my eating habits except that I'm more aware of portion sizes and I'm incorporating a fruit and a veggie at every meal. I'm even trying new veggies, which if you know me you know that that is a BIG step. I am also trying to cut out soda because there was a while there where I was having at least a 32 oz. from the gas station by work every day. In all honesty, I think I've had 32 oz ALL YEAR so far.

Here's a snapshot of my Spark Page, which summarizes my progress for the week.

Faith Filled vs. Insane

2011-01-17T11:44:00.003-06:00

This morning my friend called and asked if I thought she and her husband were insane or faith filled. I don't want to get into too many details about their situation, but suffice it to say that they have been jumping feet first into God's calling for them. Two years ago they took in two little girls who legally and officially became theirs a year ago, but who felt like theirs long before that. Now they're pursuing international adoption, and K is considering a HUGE leap of faith that would involve taking their children and leaving D behind for about 6 months and going halfway around the world. She wants to know if she's nuts.

Totally.

But not in the I-need-to-be-locked-up-in-a-padded-room-because-I'm-a-danger-to-myself-and-others kind of nuts. It's the kind of nuts that God wants us to be -- nuts about him. Nuts about His plans for us. Nuts about people less fortunate. Nuts about everything He calls us to do.

THAT'S the kind of nuts we need to be.

I'm currently working on a series with our high schoolers about what it means to truly be a follower of Christ. It's not just about the name, about calling yourself a Christian. It's about the relationship you have with Him. It's about realizing His call and answering it. I have no idea what K & D's home faith life is, whether they pray or read the Word or have devotions, but I do know this -- they are followers of Christ.

We had a sermon last year in which our pastor mentions a passage in the Bible where Jesus says, basically, if you have two coats and your neighbor has none, you stole one. My friend C went up to our pastor after the service and said, "When are you going to have a coat drive, then?" And my pastor responded, "whenever you coordinate it." So he did. And we're having another one this year. C is a follower of Christ.

I've had moments when I've felt like a follower of Christ, but do I live as a follower all of the time? It's not my place to determine that. It's about how others -- and, ultimately God -- view me. Am I the living presence of Christ all the time or just on mission trips? Am I showing God's love to the least of these? Am I living my life in a way that serves widows, orphans, oppressed, homeless, hungry, cheated... The list goes on. There are lots of Scripture calling us to do that (James 1:27, Malachi 3:5, and Micah 6:8 are just some).

I don't know. Maybe this post is just a lot of me rambling, trying to get feelings down on paper, so to speak. But I admire my friend. I admire C. I admire the houseparents at Goshen. I admire the Chapman family who adopted three little girls from China, and have used the tragedy of losing one of them to preach the hope of God even in crisis to them. I admire my former coworker C who is going to propose to his girlfriend soon; they'll get married in September because he doesn't want her 16 month old to remember a time when he wasn't her daddy. I admire the D family who I babysit for; both of the parents are first responders and they only see each other 10 days out of the month.

I leave you with a song by Josh Wilson. I love the words of this song, but now that I have some examples to apply it to, I love it even more.

Sometimes I,

I just want to close my eyes

And act like everyone’s alright

When I know they’re not.

This world needs God

But it’s easier to stand and watch.

I could pray a prayer and just move on

Like nothing’s wrong.

But I refuse.

‘Cause I don’t want to live like I don’t care.

I don’t want to say another empty prayer.

Oh, I refuse to

Sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself.

Oh, I could choose

Not to move but I refuse.

I can hear the least of these

Crying out so desperately,

And I know we are the hands and feet

Of you, oh God.

So, if you say move,

Then it’s time for me to follow through,

And do what I was made to do.

Show them who you are.

To stand and watch

The weary and lost

Cry out for help.

I refuse

To turn my back

And try and act like all is well.

I refuse

To stay unchanged,

To wait another day,

To die to myself.

I refuse

To make one more excuse.

‘Cause I don’t want to live like I don’t care.

I don’t want to say another empty prayer.

Oh, I refuse to

Sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself.

Oh, I could choose

Not to move but I refuse.

Reolution Quick Update

2011-01-15T15:40:00.002-06:00

2 weeks into the new year and here's how things are going:

Weight Loss
I have made it to the gym 7 out of the last 14 days -- roughly every other day. I'm so excited for myself, LOL. I have a gym buddy, too. My friend L decided to join Gold's and we go together. I'm not doing a whole lot at the moment, just the elliptical for about half an hour and some sit ups but it's a start and it's getting me in a routine. I'm finding it harder to get myself to go, though, now that youth group has started back up. It was easy to go in the evenings after work but now I have to go straight to church, so that's going to have to be reworked. But L and I go on Sundays after church, I'll go on Mondays on my day off, maybe Tuesdays, and Fridays after work. I think that's how it's going to work.
I'm also tracking what I eat. I'm not changing anything drastically just yet -- I want to journal my food and figure out my eating habits and then I'll go from there. Plus, I really want to get in the habit of going to the gym regularly. Getting into one good habit at a time, LOL. I use SparkPeople's app on my Android phone to track my food and exercise in one place. I use Run Keeper Pro to post my workouts to Facebook. I've had maybe a total of 30 oz of soda all year. Still lots of Kool-Aid, but baby steps. I still have had a whole lot more water than I've had in recent months.

Project 365
I've only skipped 2 days. =) You can see a slideshow of my project here. Or visit my Picasa album or Facebook album. They're the same, so don't feel like you're missing something.

My New Job

2011-01-08T09:24:00.003-06:00

I've been at my new center for a whole week now and here are my initial reactions:

1. The only things I miss from my old center are the 2.5 hour naptime (lots of time in which to get things done, but let's face it... 4 year olds don't need to nap for that long) and my kids. Well, some of my kids, LOL. I still keep in touch with a few parents which is really great to know how things have changed there, how the office explained my sudden departure (which apparently is... they didn't), and how the kids are coping.

2. I LOVE SELF SUFFICIENT KIDS. My very first day, one of the girls didn't make it to the bathroom in time and had an accident. And guess what??? She went out into the hall, got her change of clothes and went into the bathroom to change herself. It was wonderful not to have to stop what I was doing to take care of that. They clean up after themselves, they are aware of how many friends are in each center so they know if they can play over there or not, they aren't spilling their milk several times at lunch. I could go on and on and on but I won't.

3. My heart really does belong to the challenging kids. First it was K in my 2's room who stole my heart with her independent, stubborn, sometimes foul mouth ways (she picked up a lot of words from her brother who had some mental health issues). now it's G who is K in a few years, LOL. So stubborn, so independent, so opinionated, and so cuddly. Her personality clashed big time with my coteacher's personality so they are constantly going head to head. I'm trying to be more patient with her, just like K needed more patience, and so far it's working. At least, I think so.

4. I LOVE TEACHING AGAIN. With the 2's I got to teach, like, colors and letters and shapes of course, but I never felt like I did when I was student teaching or the way I do now. I haven't actually taught anything yet because I spent a lot of the week just getting the routine down, but as I watched the activities L does with the kids and watched the gears turning in their heads... I was reminded why I love doing what I do. I love figuring out why a kiddo is struggle with something and trying to find ways to help them understand. I love doing hands on activities with a group that understands (mostly) that "don't touch that" or "don't throw that" means what I said, and that asks questions and has developed a higher level of thinking that they can connect it to other experiences in life.

5. I'm going back to school. I realized this week as we started teaching kids sight words that I love teaching reading. I love finding ways to teach the reading, to connect it to their lives, to help with comprehension and critical thinking, all of it. So in the fall I am returning to school for my reading specialist certification. It means a lot less time on my hands, and more student loans to be taken out, but the end result, I think, will be well worth it both financially and emotionally.

I so glad I love this place, and I really feel like it's where God wants me to be both my regular coteacher and the floater I work with on Fridays are Christians (the floater is actually the daughter of missionaries and was raised in Brazil -- how cool is that???). And while the center isn't a Christian center, I don't feel like I have to stifle who I am and what I believe.

Why I Want to Lose Weight

2011-01-05T21:03:00.004-06:00

My New Year's resolution to lose 30 pounds is a typical one. A lot of people resolve to lose weight to be healthier, to lose "baby weight," whatever... I've resolved to lose weight several times over the last few years and I did manage to shed about 20 pounds before my wedding.

Here's a photo of me in my junior year of high school. I weighed approximately 175. This was the year that I did marching band in the fall and swimming in the spring, probably the most active I've EVER been. (Not the greatest photo because it was taken at camp and it was taken on film -- yeah, way back in the middle ages of photography, LOL.)

Now, I have no desire to be *that* skinny again because I honestly feel like I looked, well, GROSS that small. My goal weight is around 195. It is probably still more than I SHOULD weigh, but it's about 30 pounds less than I weigh now, so it's a good start.

Anyway, the reason I want to lose weight isn't entirely to look better, feel better, and be healthier -- though those are all good reasons. The real reason is that I want to start my family.

(Beware: this post might be heading into "TMI" territory.)

No, I'm not pregnant and no, we're not trying. However, it's probably going to take a while for that to happen. My cycles have always been weird. I was regular in that I knew exactly when my period would be, but that was the irregular part -- it was every three months, AND it would last 2-3 weeks and be incredibly heavy (like, going through a super plus every hour and a half). Talk about annoying, frustrating, and just plain gross. My OBGYN at the time didn't seem to think much of it, and she put me on birth control to regulate my cycles. It was wonderful. I went from 3-week long periods to three-DAY long periods. but nothing was addressing the CAUSE of the irregularity.

When I married J, I switched health insurance and had to switch both my OBGYN and my GP. In my FIRST visit with my new OBGYN, he pinpointed what I had thought was wrong with me. He referred me for a blood test, which confirmed the idea. I have PCOS.

PCOS stands for "Polycystic Ovary Syndrome." You can read about here, here, and here, but basically I have a higher level of testosterone than an average women, which leads to a hormone imbalance which leads to a few issues, most apparent is the cysts on one or both ovaries. They aren't cancerous and they don't affect my health at all except for the fact that it impedes ovulation.

Another issue it causes is glucose intolerance. This could mean diabetes or it could mean hyper/hypo-glycemia. I'm at a higher risk of high cholesterol and high blood pressure, which in turn increases my risk for heart attack, stroke, etc. All my cholesterol levels and stuff checked out okay when my GP referred my for MORE blood tests shortly after the diagnosis (except my Vitamin D levels... more milk drinking for me, I guess!) and I'll get it tested every 5 years. I'm not too concerned about that issue because I'm not, like, morbidly obese or whatever.

My biggest concern is the fertility issue. It's not IMPOSSIBLE for me to get pregnant, but it will be tough -- I don't ovulate regularly (if at all... I tried temping but didn't stick with it long enough to figure it out) which obviously makes conception fairly tricky since that's half of the equation. However, in my info quest shortly after I was diagnosed, I read a lot about women who have lost weight and had success conceiving on their own. Not a significant amount of weight -- just 15-20 pounds made the difference.

So that's my motivation. J and I agreed to be married 2 years before really considering starting our family. That date is coming up in March and I know that we aren't ready. But I would like to reexamine it next March, on our 3rd anniversary. Hopefully by then we'll be thousands of dollars out of debt, I'll be 30 pounds lighter, and we'll both be ready to start a new chapter in our lives.

Resolution #4: Project 365

2011-01-03T12:09:00.006-06:00

I had heard about this previously and always thought, "That would be neat to do...." then would promptly forget about it. A girl on the STLWed board, Chrissy, posted that she would be doing this and I figured since it was Dec. 30 there was no way I would forget about it this time. So I set up a Picasa album for it and have a slideshow for it set up on the tab above. I'm not going to inundate you with a new post and picture everyday, so check ^^^^^^^^^^^^ up there if you're interested.

I'm doing well so far and I hope that this is something fun I can look back on. I had a really cool photo for yesterday from ice skating with the youth group, but I accidentally deleted it off of my card, so yesterday's photo was more entertaining than "look what I did" but oh well.

2011 Resolutions

2011-01-01T00:54:00.000-06:00

You may recognize one or two from last year but here's my list:

1. Pay off three more credit cards this year.

2. Lose at least 26 pounds to get back down to below 200 pounds. (Yes, I really do weigh that much and yes, I am embarrassed to admit that on the internet.)

3. Read 5 books on youth ministry/faith.

4. Do "A Year in Photos." (See a later post dedicated to this.)

I think I'll end it there. 4 seems like a good number, especially with how ambitious a couple of them are.

Hope you all had a WONDERFUL New Year's. May God bless you in 2011!

2010 Resolution Recap

2010-12-31T12:33:00.002-06:00

Soooo... If you live in the STL, you know how crazy weather was today. Only in the midwest would you have 60+ degree weather a week after Christmas (when we got like 3 inches of snow), combined with tornadic activity. Craaaaaazy, I tell ya. The boys and I packed it in in the bathroom in case a tornado actually hit. I have NEVER done well with tornado warnings, and I was by myself today because J was at work. I streamed the weather off of KTVI and kept checking Facebook for updates from friends in the area. Here's a picture from our adventures (please note Facebook up on the computer, LOL)

Anyway, if you were with me last December 31st/January 1st, you may remember my New Years' Resolutions for 2010. I would say I didn't fail miserably on most of them.

1. Start compiling my 101 in 1001 list.

Didn't follow through with this one bit. I have some ideas, but I haven't written anything down. Hopefully I'll get with this this year.
2. Have at least one REAL date night with my husband a month.

This didn't happen, either, though we did probably manage nice evenings out a few times this year, including our trip to Memphis.
3. Read at least four books on youth ministry.

I didn't read 4 books on youth ministry, but I did read 4 books on Christianity or youth ministry:

The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical

The Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit

Your Own Jesus: A God Insistent on making it Personal

Hurt: Inside the World of Today's Teenagers
4. Pay off small credit cards by April, then start reeeeeally cracking on the big ones.

We did manage to pay of 2 credit cards this year. I am thinking about reexamining our approach to how we pay everything off. We're currently doing the snowball effect that Dave Ramsey writes about, which is AWESOME. We should have our third card paid off by the beginning of May with the momentum we have right now, but I want to use our entire tax return towards credit cards so that will hopefully change.
5. Buy a car for J.

Success! We bought J a 2005 Nissan Sentra in March. It's a stick and I just recently learned how to drive it.
6. GET A JOB.

Success on this one, too. In fact, I went above and beyond and got TWO jobs this year, LOL. I was hired to teach 2's in O'Fallon in February and I did that until the beginning of December and then I was hired to teach Pre-K at a school in Maryland Heights. I did quit 2 jobs, though: subbing for the FZ school district and my job at the bookstore (this one I'm really going to miss mostly just for the people I work with), and I discontinued my affiliation with one of my sitting agencies.

Well, 3 1/2 out of 6 ain't bad! I'm going to come up with some for the new year and post those tomorrow. One is really ambitious and I'm still working up the courage to commit. =)

2010: The Year that Was

2010-12-30T21:26:00.003-06:00

It's definitely been an interesting year in 2010, to say the least. Here's a recap of everything that's been going on:

January

I had an interview on the 8th for a position with Youth in Need. I didn't get it, unfortunately. But it was my last rejection before getting my job as a 2's teacher

in O'Fallon in February.

Paulie and Sebastian started to really warm up to each other, but Sebs still felt like our house was Paulie's house.

February

I turned 24 and got a job on the same day. This job was teaching 2's in O'Fallon and I enjoyed it for most of the time I was there -- more on that later. Honestly, I was grateful I had fulltime employment.

We also moved out of our townhouse in Maryland Heights to a condo in St. Peters at the end of the month. The move was especially good for the boys, because the place wasn't inundated with Paulie smells. Sebastian really started coming out of his shell once we moved.

March

J and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. We didn't do anything too special, mostly because we were broke. Our small group gave us a ream of paper and a package of paper towels, and another couple gave us a book of stamps (because the first anniversary is paper. ha ha ha).

J and I also bought a car this month. It was soooo nice to go back to having 2 cars -- the freedom we got after that was wonderful.

April

I went to an amazing place in Georgia for the first of 2 mission trips this year. God really planted something in my heart while I was there that I've discussed with J and a couple of other people, but not something I want to share on here just yet. I know it's a God thing, but we're praying for the right time to follow through with it to reveal itself.

May

Nothing really too exciting happened -- my friend Katie got married and I bought a new camera.

Our youth service was a lot of fun and my kids did the Lifehouse Everything human video thing:

June

I helped out with our Egypt VBS at church which was alot of fun, especially because M joined us for that. My favorite girl turned *4* which I still find incredibly hard to believe -- she'll be starting Kindergarten next fall!!

July

I went with our high school youth group on mission trip #2 to West Virginia. This was a whole lot of fun and West Virginia is absolutely GORGEOUS. If you've never been, I highly recommend you visit. (Side note: I just realized I never wrote about this trip. Oops. I'll see if I can pull something together.)

August

I started not liking my job. At that point it was mostly an issue with the administration and not the kids, and eventually it got better for a little while. I did get a lot of way cute photos of my kids this month, though.

We had a fun pool party to commemorate the end of the summer with youth group.

September

I donated $20 to charity:water after I got 4 responses to a post where I pledged $1 for each comment. My new co-teacher suit and by the end of the month, it was me and 8 kids.

October

I basically had run of my own class. It was me and 8 2 year olds every day this month and I LOVED it. Let's face it, I work best by myself sometimes and I really got those kids in a routine that worked well and the class ran smoothly. This was probably the best month I had at that job because my classroom was MY classroom.

My friend Ashley moved to Minnesota at the end of the month and I still miss her loads.

I interviewed for a pre-K position at a brand new school that I didn't get. I cried for about half an hour after I read that e-mail and then told myself that God would lead

me to the right position at the right time.

November

I got a new co-teacher at work and while the first week or so was great, I realized how bored and unhappy I was teaching 2's and as a result I started resenting her.

I saw Harry Potter at midnight because I'm a nerd.

I had my first interview for a different pre-K position (the one I ultimately got). You can read about my initial impressions of the school on this post.

Thanksgiving was pretty low-key. I babysat waaaaay early in the morning and then put up our tree. I worked at the book store on Black Friday and had a lot of fun (seriously... we're so busy and get to talk to so many people I never realize that I've been working for 7.5 hours).

December

I had my second interview for my job on the day we left for Christmas in Memphis. I met with L, the other teacher, and we hit it off right away. I left knowing that that job was mine.

In Memphis, the weather was really nice, so J and I went to the zoo. This totally made my year because you know what they have at the Memphis zoo? Panda bears. And you know what my favorite animal is? That's right: Panda bears. I was soooo excited to see a real live panda.

Tuesday after we returned from Memphis, I quit my job. I was 98% sure this new job was mine and I was just at the end of my rope. I loved how sweet my kids were most of the time, but I was tired of changing diapers and making sure they didn't bite each other and keeping them occupied every second of the day. I felt like I was a babysitter and not a teacher, and it didn't help that my teaching style clashed with my new co-teacher's (and since I don't like confrontation, I just seethed internally). After I quit I had a few hours of "Omigod, what did I just do" but honestly, I felt mostly at peace with the decision. The following Thursday, I got my new job as a pre-K teacher. I'm actually TEACHING and I love it so far. I'll start full time next week.

A bad sinus infection knocked me on my rear the weekend before Christmas. I had a temperature of 101+ for most of the weekend and I ended up having to call in on my first day of work. My doctor told me to buy some Mucinex D to help clear my sinuses. Have you ever used that stuff? IT WORKS.

SO that's it. Tomorrow I'll update on my resolutions for the year and let you know what I want to accomplish in 2011. =)

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2010-12-24T19:09:00.002-06:00

J and I just got home from our Christmas Eve service, which was beautiful. I love singing "Silent Night" by candle light. Makes me cry every year. =)

This video has been making the rounds, but just in case anyone hasn't seen it, I wanted to share it. It's put out by Igniter Media, who does a lot of the videos we show at church for service. It's the Nativity through Facebook. (What if Mary, Joseph, Elizabeth, Zechariah, the Shepherds, etc, all had Facebook?)

May you and your family be blessed this Christmas!

I Was Supposed to Start My New Job Today...

2010-12-20T15:12:00.005-06:00

...Instead I'm at home in bed. I had a 102* fever on Friday and a fever all weekend, fluctuating between 98 and 102. Talk about YUCK. And, I still had to work because it's the weekend before Christmas and she had everyone scheduled, thus no one who could take my shift. So I sucked it up, took some Mucinex and Tylenol, and tried to be positive. But last night I felt like death so I called in.

I felt terrible about it but the director, G, was really understanding. She said she knows I wouldn't call in if I weren't actually sick. I went to the doctor this morning and it's not the flu (which is what I thought it was) but probably just a BAD sinus infection. I don't remember having a fever with any of my sinus infections before, but whatever... I took my first dose of antibiotics and Mucinex D a few hours ago and I already feel better -- and my fever broke.

G said I can definitely come in tomorrow since I'm on an antibiotic, then mentioned she's got a 3's teacher in there right now and my new coteacher, L, said she misses me. In only 8 hours, she's comfortable with me! She said that the kids stay calm when I'm around, LOL. It's nice to know that she enjoys working with me. =)

And here's a funny story: Last night, I fell asleep sitting up so I could breathe after eating some chicken noodle soup. Paulie at some point hopped up on the couch and pawed at me. Next thing I know he's on the coffee table, lapping up the soup broth. What a punk! That was either a, "Hey, are you sleeping 'cause I really want that broth but I know you won't just give it to me." Or is was a, "Hey, are you gonna finish that 'cause I could take it off of your hands...." Ha ha. Silly kitty.

Drama filled Week

2010-12-10T00:10:00.003-06:00

I quit my job on Tuesday.

Yes, you read that right. I took a leap of faith and put in my two weeks. There's actually a story behind it; my director said that "my attitude was no longer acceptable" because apparently I was being rude to everyone. Whatever. No, I wasn't happy there, but some of the things they brought up to me were so trivial and things that I had done only ONCE in the last month or so let alone in the whole 10 months I worked there. They told me I could "voluntarily resign" or I would be put on a probation, and basically if they had to "speak to me again" I would be put on a sub list (which =FIRED). SO I filled out the voluntary resignation and put in my two weeks and they sent me home.

Then they called three hours later and told me that my classroom was covered and not to worry about coming back in.

What pissed me off the most, even more than how they treated me and how they handled it all, was that I didn't even get to say goodbye to my kids. Not even C, the little girl who was my favorit

e (although I did get to give her a hug when I went back for all of my stuff). And I worry about what crap they're telling the parents about why I left.

Anyway, I had my third and final interview this morning at the center I mentioned 4 weeks ago in this post. I got to teach a phonics lesson (Phonics Dominoes, which were a hit) and then spend a lot of the morning just watching and helping out where I could. I knew this job was mine because the director was so willing to work around my work schedule (and, listen, I have two jobs, so sometimes that was hard) which means almost a whole month went by between my first interview and my interview today. That's probably why I was so... whatever... about losing the job in O'Fallon. I knew I wouldn't be out

of work for long.

I was right. I got the call this afternoon inviting me to the team. I'm so pumped about this job. Teaching the phonics lesson this morning put me back in love with teaching. It totally reminded me WHY I want to teach.

I start fulltime on January 4 (they're closed the week between Christmas and New Years) but I get to work 4 hours next week and 20 the week after. I can't WAIT!!!

SWITCHFOOT

2010-11-19T19:15:00.000-06:00

I'm a HUGE Switchfoot fan and have been since their "Learning to Breathe" days in the early 2000's. They bring back memories of high school and driving to swim practice with Jen. =) Their earlier stuff is more "Christian" than most of their newer stuff has been. They're actually my "gateway band." They led me into other Christian rock bands (like Jars of Clay, By the Tree, and Tree63). It was because they weren't obviously Christian (you won't really hear them singing blatantly about God but you know that's Who they're singing about) that made them so appealing.

The Beautiful Letdown was a fabulous CD, but their 2 subsequent CDs were major letdowns to me. They had signed to Columbia and I feel like the just sold out -- their music was, just, not them. Not that I expected them to become a "real" Christian Rock band, but they got so far away form their roots that I was disappointed. They were still singing about the downfalls of mankind, but I felt like there was a disconnect.

Their most recent project, Hello Hurricane totally redeemed them in my eyes, though. They were on an independent label and I feel like they've really reconnected with their calling and purpose that God gave them -- to reach people without being in their face about the love of God, to spread the Good News in a way that works for them, and that people are receptive to.

Anyway, that whole spiel was to lead in to a few videos. The first is "The Sound (John M. Perkins' Blues)" which is totally their sound and why I love them. Socially minded lyrics,

This second one is probably my favorite song off of this album -- in fact, it's currently my ringtone. What I LOVE LOVE LOVE about it is that it's actually part of a three song sort of trilogy (Your Love is Strong and Let Your Love be Strong) and it's about God's love and how it is EVERYWHERE. "Your love is a melody underneath me." LOVE!

PS: I didn't know an acoustic bass guitar existed. Guess I was wrong!

Confession Time

2010-11-18T16:27:00.000-06:00

I lost my temper at work yesterday. No child was hurt, nothing got broken, etc, but I did realize that I don't like working with twos anymore. It was a good "Get my foot in the door and get some experience" job but it's not what I want to teach. There are a few kids that if their parents asked me to nanny for them I would do it in a heartbeat, but the fact of the matter is I don't really WANT to do that, either.

I had a job interview today (scheduled last week... purely coincidence) at a center in Maryland Heights that seems to be EXACTLY the job I would like to have. You walk in the door and you can tell -- LEARNING HAPPENS HERE. There's art all over the walls, the walls are bright, and there is a very low turnover rate which means they treat people right. This position is a Pre-K position and a lot of my past job experiences might really help me nail this job -- they teach them swim lessons in the summer but "it would be nice to have someone know what they're doing." They have all the CPR stuff but no one to teach it.

She said she was doing preliminary interviews and would be calling about secondary interviews. I told her I'm headed out of town Dec 2 (the next available day I'd be able to come in) but could come by that morning since we can't leave till J is off of work. She said, "I'll call you anyway because I think you're a good fit, so let's just schedule it now." Whee!

I really want this job. The hours vary -- always 4 10 hr. days but not the same shift day after day after day -- and the pay I asked for seemed acceptable to her. And it's an independent center, which means no corporate people breathing down our necks about enrollment (my least favorite thing about my current center).

It's not a 2nd grade classroom, but it's closer than where I am now, and they implement multiple intelligences int heir curriculum (Google it... Howard Gardner is the man who created the theory). Ah, can you tell how badly I want this job? I don't want to get my hopes up though, because the last time in interviewed for a pre-K position I didn't get it and was freaking CRUSHED. But, God has a plan, right? I'm just trying to hold on till He clues me in. =)

Wanna Read a Good Book?

2010-11-16T19:16:00.000-06:00

Did you like The Time Traveler's Wife? What about Twilight? I just finished a totally awesome book that I want to recommend.

My Name is Memory was written by Ann Brashares of Traveling Pants fame. It's a love story between Daniel and Sophia/Constance/Lucy through the span of time. Daniel has "The Memory" -- which means he can remember all of his past lives, including the life in which he first saw her and the life in which he first fell in love with her. Each life he spends remembering her, hoping to find her, hoping the for once they will end up in the same place at the same time at the same age. (See the similarities to the aforementioned books?)

The ending just kind of was there, but apparently it's a part of a trilogy so I won't hold that against Brashares. I spent a lot of the last week sick with a pretty bad cold (or SOMEthing) so I had a lot of time to read, thankfully. I didn't want to put this book down. In fact, I had to MAKE myself put it down today to get some work done while my kids slept! It just came out in June so I don't see the next installment coming out for a while, unfortunately. But I cannot WAIT for the second book.

My kids crack me up

2010-11-13T09:43:00.000-06:00

At our Halloween party, E dressed up like a dinosaur and I would ask him, "E, what does a dinosaur say?" "Dine-saur go RAWR!"
On Tuesday, N was having a chill out in the corner (I don't remember what he was throwing a fit about). The soap guy (who comes EVERY Tuesday at the same time to check our soap dispenser) comes in and N goes, "Daddy!" The only thing similar is that both guys have shaved heads!
On Wednesday, K1 wore her pants with squirrels on them. The first time she wore them in September, I taught her a song I knew from camp called "Grey Squirrel". In said song, the squirrel swishes its bushy tail. K1 does an all-out swishing of her tail that is the darn cutest thing I have seen. She throws her head down so her butt is straight up in the air and she shakes it. I have a video that I would love to post but it shows her face a LOT and I don't know how to edit videos with little black circles or blur out her face. Just trust me -- it's way cute!
Also on Wednesday, during our free play in the AM after breakfast, I over heard H tell his buddies that "Mommy has a baby." I looked at him and said, "H, is mommy going to have a baby?" And he said, "Uh-huh, SOON!" And on soon his eyebrows went up and he stuck his hand in the air, pointing with his finger. (Not soon, though... Mom's due in March.)
On Thursday we had an in service where we watched a video about curriculum and me and E, my new co-teacher, rearranged our room and took a lot of things out of containers and just placed them on the shelves. All day yesterday whenever we were having free play, C would take a purse out of Dramatic play and fill it up with the sensory bottles. What a hoarder!

I wish I could say that my job is good birth control and a good reminder of why J and I need to wait before we have kids.

But that would be a lie.

I leave you with a photo I posted on Facebook, so I apologize if you've seen it already:

N is charged with DWR: Driving While Reading. Let's hope he breaks this habit within the next 14 years...

Where has the Time Gone?

2010-10-28T14:32:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it's almost the end of October! This month has really flown by. For a quick, short update:

I interviewed for a pre-K position 3 weeks ago. They said I would hear back by tomorrow. I really want this position, so we'll see!
Ashley, the teacher next door who has been one of the best friends I've made in a while, is moving to Minnesota at the end of next week. Insert sad smiley here.
We're going to be starting rehearsals for our Christmas choir soon and I'm totally pumped about what we're doing -- BarlowGirl. Whee! I love them and their Christmas album is one of my favorites.
My best friend is getting married Oct. 22, 2011 and we're crashing a wedding at her venue on Saturday. (Don't worry, I got permission!)
We had to do some work on my car that cost us about $250 but God is amazing and the money is being replaced this week -- right when our rent and car payment are due!

30.30.30 Final Donation

2010-09-30T22:36:00.002-05:00

I had 4 people comment on this post. So since $4 looks lame, I'm going to donate $5 for each comment, which means a $20 donation. I'm making it as soon as I hit post. Thanks for your support!!

C'Mon, Y'all

2010-09-29T23:50:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is the last day of September, which means it's the last day of the 30.30.30 project. In this post I said I would donate $1 for every person who commented.

I've had 3.

I know more people read me. Blogger says I have 18 followers (though I don't know who about 6 of them are). It takes all of 2 seconds. Please? With sugar on top?

There's a Light

2010-09-21T18:48:00.000-05:00

At the end of the tunnel, that is. And it's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down there.

Notice how I haven't bitched and moaned about money recently? It's not because we won the lottery (I WISH). Actually, things are still tight, but we've had a better handle on where our money needs to go which, really, makes all the difference. I have a spreadsheet on my computer which goes all the wayt o the end of the year and basically tells me which bill I'm paying each week and how much (i.e. we split up our cell phone bill just 'cause we can and it's our largest bill...). It's definitely helped us be more diligent about who we need to pay and how much we're going to set aside for rent and our car payment.

But at the end of August, Jerome's car needed $400 worth of work. Money is still tight and we still aren't contributing ANYTHING to savings so we had to pull that from our rent money for September. Luckily, we have amazingly forgiving landlords and were able to pay them half on September 5 and half on the 12th. But now we're stuck in a hole. That set us back a little bit on saving for NEXT month's rent. Which could snowball into a lot of other issues.

I need a money tree.

Luckily, Jerome is putting in a LOT of overtime and I just finished a pay period at the bookstore with a LOT of hours so there is money coming in. AND Jerome just got a new position at work; it's not necessarily a promotion but it does come with a decent pay raise. That money will be nice once it starts coming in. Yeah, you read that right. Jerome has been in this new position for almost 2 months and hasn't seen a dime of that raise. No, in case you were wondering, that's not legal. But he will be getting retro pay for all of the hours he's put in since then without this pay raise. This raise is like $2-3 more than he currently makes (or so we're expecting), so the retro pay should be very very very nice. It's just a matter of being patient until then, LOL.

Just thought you were interested about where we stand on all that. We're looking forward to being able to pay off a huge chunk of debt once that retro check comes in. Until then, though, I feel like we're hemorrhaging money. (Especially when I realize that I didn't click the "finalize" button on 2 of my payments I made last week... and we lose another $150.)

BUT don't think that I have forgotten about my pledge. There's only NINE DAYS left of the 30.30.30 campaign and only NINE DAYS for you to comment on this post. Do it. Do it. Do it. Especially since Kait is matching whatever I donate. And seriously $4 seems pretty wimpy right now...

Stinkin' Allergies

2010-09-16T08:46:00.000-05:00

When J let us adopt Paulie, he was worried because I've had a history of cat allergies. Like, I'd go to my aunt and uncle's for Christmas (they have a few cats) and within twenty minutes of walking through the door, my mom and I would be sniffling and trying to avoid scratching our eyes. Then I was a before and after school caregiver to three kids in West County and they had two cats -- never had a reaction. I'm not really sure why I responded to my aunt and uncle's cats and not that family's cats, but I did.

J wanted to get a dog but we were still in an apartment (now we're in a condo) which meant no yard and I didn't want to do that to a dog. So we compromised and got a kitty. And guess what? NO ALLERGIES. I was ecstatic. We even got a brother for Paulie when my friend had to get rid of her cat Sebastian. Still nothing.

But the last three weeks or so? Oh. My. Goodness. Runny nose, scratchy throat, itchy eyes... I think it's more related to my allergies that are going haywire. Because the mold and ragweed counts are so high, it's irritating to be around my boys. Which is so sad, because Paulie is a creeper and I'm usually the first one up in the morning and he is literally RIGHT there in my face the second my alarm goes off.

I can't wait for colder weather just because it means my allergies will be gone.

--------

Don't forget about the 30.30.30 campaign. I will donate $1 for every unique commenter on this post. I've only had two, so c'mon! There's only 13 days left!

30.30.30

2010-09-01T20:22:00.000-05:00

I love Google Reader. I'm able to keep up with a lot of bloggers I enjoy reading all on one site. You should check it out if you like to read a lot of blogs.

Bryan Allain is a guy I found through Stuff Christians Like. He writes about life, faith, and the Amish (he lives in Lancaster County, PA). Often he's funny but he has some really serious and thought provoking stuff, too. For the month of September (30 days), he and 29 other bloggers (30) are trying to raise $30,000 for wells in Africa. Back when the earthquake hit Haiti, I had some friends who pledged to give money in earthquake relief for every comment their blog received. I am doing that here.

From now until September 30, I will donate $1 for every comment on here.

Did you know that $20 can provide clean water for 1 person for 20 years? Think of what you spend $20 on every week. Every day, even.

Jerome wants me to cap this, but I think that God is leading me to do this, so I'm going to let Him move. =)

Fall TV

2010-08-25T21:04:00.001-05:00

I admit it. I am a TV junkie. With the addition of AT&T U-Verse to our household (LOVE, by the way) that means I can record up to FOUR shows at a time. This does not help my TV addiction, LOL. I am happy to report that most of the shows I watch, I also with with the hubby. Here's a look at what I watch each night, along with their premiere dates, just in case you were wondering. =)

SUNDAY
Desperate Housewives * ABC 8PM * September 26 (don't laugh... it's more of a bonding thing with a girlfriend of mine than a full interest in the show. it's good for some laughs!)

MONDAY
Weeds * Showtime * August 16 (watch this one online when I can find it since we ended our movie package)
How I Met Your Mother * CBS 7PM * September 20
Castle * ABC 9PM * September 20

TUESDAY
Glee * Fox 7PM * September 21
Raising Hope * Fox 8PM * September 21 (this is a new one... gonna give it a shot... as if I need more to watch, LOL)
Life Unexpected * CW 9PM * September 14
Parenthood * NBC 9PM * September 21

WEDNESDAY
Better With You * ABC 7:30PM * September 22 (also a new one... I love the girl in it that was on Reba)
Modern Family * ABC 8PM * September 22
Cougar Town * ABC 8:30PM * September 22
Law & Order: SVU * NBC 8PM * September 22

THURSDAY
Grey's Anatomy * ABC 8PM * September 23

WEEKEND
Catch up on the DVR. Ha ha!

Anything you're excited about? Do share.

101 in 1,001: Thinking

2010-08-20T13:06:00.001-05:00

I'm home from work with a migraine today. Slept until about 10:30 which was nice and actually feel a little better. I felt real bad about not going in, though, because it's the first time my new co-teacher will be without me or my former co-teacher (who is now part time). Hopefully the kids don't walk all over her!

Anyway, I really want to do a 101 in 1,001. BUT... I don't even know where to start. Those of you who have done one, how did you start to wrap your head around it??

Complacency

2010-08-15T18:41:00.000-05:00

This song by Todd Agnew is one of those that has been resonating in my heart for the last few weeks. I don't know if that's because God is challenging me or because it goes right along with what we're talking about in youth group this year. At any rate, it's called "If You Wanted Me" off of his Better Questions CD.

You can find the lyrics at the bottom of this post.

I think what I love most about this song is that it's real, it's prayerful, it's challenging. God calls us to do so many things that we hesitate to do because they're out of our comfort zone. Look at the first verse: Todd admits that he would have laughed at something Jesus told a disciple to do. Who wouldn't? "Walk on water? Really? Are you smokin' something?" I probably would have had the same kind of reaction. Then, "If you wanted me to walk on water, why'd you make the solid ground feel so right?" God, if you're challenging me to do something so crazy like that, why does my life seem so comfortable?

My favorite lines are the last two: "If you wanted me to surrender, why'd you make these hands able to hold on so tight?/If you wanted me to be like You, why'd You make me like me?"

This year in youth group we're going to talk about "walking the talk." What does it mean to follow Jesus? What does it look like to give up everything for Him? I know that I struggle with following through with the promises we make when we worship. Following, trusting, etc. are easy to sing and talk about but to live it out? VERY hard. And it's easy for me to say, "I live a Christian life" because I'm not a partier -- I don't drink or smoke, I'm not a big swearer. But does that really make me a Christian? Doubtful; if anything it just makes me a good person.

I struggle with the everyday, reading the Bible, praying ceaselessly, meditating on scripture aspect of my faith. DO I trust in God's plan for me? Absolutely. Do I believe that when I die I will spend eternity with Him? No doubt in my mind. But do I LOOK like a follower of Christ? I mean, beneath the cross necklace and the crosses on my wedding ring and the occasional Christian t-shirt, what do I look like? This is something I sincerely hope God keeps challenging me on this school year so that I can challenge my kids.

I'll admit I'm glad we're not disciples
Out on a lake paralyzed with fright
'Cause I'm afraid I might have laughed at Peter
Until he stepped into that stormy night

If You wanted me to walk on water
Why'd You make this solid ground seem so right?

I'll admit I'm glad I'm not King David
Ruling over everything I see
'Cause I think I've fallen for more than Bathsheba
Your creation's a temptation for me

If You wanted me to love You only
Why'd you make the moonlight sparkle in her eyes?

I'll admit I'm glad I'm not John the Baptist
In a jail cell waiting for my day to die
'Cause at least down here I know what we're chasing
And it's hard to trust Your dreams are so much better than mine

If You wanted me to die to myself
Why'd You make me fall so deeply in love with life?

If You wanted me to surrender
Why'd You make these hands able to hold on so tight?

If You wanted me to be like You
Why'd You make me like me?

Question Reminder

2010-08-11T22:01:00.000-05:00

Hello? Is anybody out there? A few months ago, I made a post about questions. Ask me anything. In reading Lauren's and Kristal's answers, I remembered how much I wanted to do this. So, here's a reminder: ask me anything! Seriously, I would love to answer any questions y'all have, but you have to ask it first. =)

Job Stress

2010-08-05T23:40:00.000-05:00

I'm looking for another job. Preferably in a school district's early childhood center, but most likely just at another preschool. My asst. director and I don't see eye to eye on a LOT of issues. She's way too concerned about having parents happy, and often times flat out hides things from them. She doesn't treat her staff nicely, either. There are a lot of stories I could tell to gripe and complain, but I'm not going to in this forum because they just aren't nice things.

What breaks my heart is the idea of leaving the kids behind. I have grown to love all of them -- even the ones who drive me cuh-razy somtimes. Their smiles and hugs and the things that they say all make me laugh a lot during the day. But I need to leave in order to regain some kind of sanity in my life.

Don't worry, I will find something before I quit. That's the first thing a friend said to me and while I appreciate the concern, I am thinking about these things. I actually applied for a job as a library assistant at a local school district that pays pretty well and I'm well qualified for it. And it would be a nice foot int he door, as the say. Hopefully it works out.

Lots of prayers are appreciated!! Hopefully I find something quickly so that I can quit stressing.

Me Time? What's that?

2010-07-28T20:48:00.000-05:00

I was really thinking that with both youth groups ending in May that I would have some extra time to myself. Extra time? What's that? Yeah right!!! I AM still working 2 jobs, after all! And I had to plan for our mission trip. And, you know, GO on the mission trip!

What it comes down to is that I can't say No. Well, depending on what it is. SO I have a few posts coming up that might interest you, including but not limited to my mission trip to West Virginia last week (which I know my mother is DYING to read about!). So stay tuned...

A Tribute to Smiles

2010-07-04T00:57:00.000-05:00

See, you would THINK that once youth group ended for the summer that I would actually have some time to myself. Yeah. Right. I'm still working 2 jobs, remember? And doing some sitting on the side. And finalizing plans for the mission trip. And teaching CPR. Cur-azy.

At least I've have SOME time for myself. One of the highlight of my summer so far have included a few trips down to camp, including just the other night to closing campfire. It was second session closing, and that has been my favorite (yet incredibly bittersweet) of the summer since 2002. This is the campfire that marks not only the halfway point of the summer, but it also marks a milestone in some campers' lives. This is the fire when the CITs (and, to be fair, AWITs) graduate. Many of you may remember that I was CIT director (that's Counselor-in-Training, for those not up to speed on the lingo) for 3 years at my summer camp. I thoroughly enjoyed that job, and second session closing was always a lot of fun. Even though I was saying good bye to them, I was also sending them out into the next chapter of their lives at camp. As Director, I had 21 girls complete the CIT program (29 if you include the group I started but didn't finish), and 14 of them went on to work either the summer after graduation or more.

It's fun knowing that a place that impacted you so much has been impacted by you, too. These girls who are working now are MY kids. I helped them learn who they are and to embrace it. I helped them learn how to encourage others to do that. I taught them how to handle homesickness and trouble kids, and how to spot child abuse, and how to be a positive role model. I know I'm not the only person in their lives to have done that, but I am one of the most significant, in the camp sense. They're going out as counselors and helping young girls develop a sense of self worth, a sense of who they are, and helping them find a love of camp.

It's hard to believe that when my mom first suggested I go to camp back in 1994 that it would turn into something life changing, and something that would play a crucial role in my emotional development. But it did, because 5 staff members opened their arms to an awkward little girl and loved her. I can't have been easy to tolerate -- I was 8 and in Border Village. I have memories of calling for a counselor -- Fraggle -- in the middle of the night because I was homesick or scared of the dark. I've lived in Border Village, and trust me, it's definitely not easy tolerating the girls at 2 in the morning -- but she did.

Anyway, 6 more joined the ranks on Thursday night, and I got to go to campfire to watch them graduate (one of my own was CIT Counselor... Mama was proud!!). I cried, just like I always do, but I didn't BAWL until after they were announced as "Former CITs." I lost it when we gave the title of "Honorary CIT" to an amazing camp director, a woman who came to camp as a Unit Leader in 2001 (my CIT 1 year, in fact), and found a passion for it, just like I did. She didn't get to go through the CIT program, which is more like a family. She didn't get to experience the traditions and past times. She wasn't able to participate in Green Trees and Taps with all of the Formers at the close of every campfire -- even though she felt a connection to this place too.

When Rosethorn went up to announce what the Formers had unanimously decided, she almost cried -- and she's NOT a crier. She was eloquent and heartfelt and when she said Smiles's name, Smiles sat there, kind of shocked for a while. Then she stood up and started walking up to us. And then the staff stood and cheered. Then the campers. This woman has made more of an impact on Cedarledge than I ever could. She's kind, and full of love, and her name is fitting because she is ALWAYS smiling. She loves to laugh. She loves ranch dressing. She loves dining hall shenanigans. She knows how to straddle that ever-delicate line of friend and authority figure. And EVERYONE recognizes that.

Smiles, I don't know if you will ever read this, but thank you for your commitment to camp. Thank you for your commitment to showing girls respect -- for others and for themselves. Thank you for sacrificing your summer -- a "vacation" to work at camp year after year. Your impact will be felt for years to come down there, and elsewhere because I know you impacted me.

Zanzibar, Zanzibar, Zanzibar is very far

2010-06-19T18:30:00.001-05:00

So the other night I took a long trip down memory lane. As a kid, my brother and I LOVED Bill Harley. We had a few tapes of his, which we listened to a lot. He's a songwriter/storyteller who is beloved by a lot of people because of his humor and ability to make stories fun. Anyone around my age who grew up St. Louis remember the kids' station? Back before 95.5 was an R&B station, it played songs geared to kids, and there is where I heard a lot of Bill Harley. I loved that station. When I was a Brownie Scout and my mom was our leader, she arranged for a field trip to their station and I got to talk on the radio and meet the DJs. Good memories.

Anyway, this particular story-song has always been in the back of my mind. It's a story about procrastinating on homework. He had to write a report in sixth grade on Zanzibar and instead wrote a song about it. I can't for the life of my find an MP3 link to post on here, but I did find it on iTunes. The whole tape. It's two stories and a song and it's only $2!!! I was very excited to find it.

Here are the lyrics to the song, in case you remember, like me:

Zanzibar, Zanzibar,

Zanzibar is very far

You can’t get there in a car

It’s too far to Zanzibar

Zanzibar, they don’t have tar

To put on roads to drive their cars

Men and women smoke cigars

There’s no tar in Zanzibar

In Zanzibar, they grow cloves

What they’re for, I don’t know

Maybe they put ‘em between their toes

In Zanzibar, they grow cloves

In Zanzibar, they grow ground nuts

People who grow them live in huts

In Zanzibar there’s sugar cane

To grow it they need lots of rain

In Zanzibar, they grow tea

Far away across the sea

Off the coast of Afriki

In Zanzibar, they grow tea

Zanzibar, Zanzibar,

Zanzibar is very far

You can’t get there in a car

It’s too far to Zanzibar

Happy Birthday Makenzie!

2010-06-19T10:43:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness, where does time go? I cannot believe that Makenzie is four. She's not mine, but I love her so much. Doesn't hurt that her momma is my bestest friend, either, LOL.

Here is baby Makenzie, only one day old:

Here she is shortly before turning one:

And on her 1st birthday:

April 2008 (one of my fave photos of J, BTW):

June 2009:

And June 2010:

So big and so BEAUTIFUL!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAKENZIE MARIE!!!!

You would THINK

2010-06-16T22:48:00.000-05:00

That with youth group ending for the summer that I would have more time on my hands. Nope. Not at all. The problem really lies in the fact that I can't say no, LOL.

Revolution (sr. high) ended the Monday before Memorial Day. In that time, I have taught 2 CPR classes (will teach my last one till next June tomorrow), helped with three night of VBS, and I'm still working both jobs. Exhausting? Definitely.

I am certified to teach CPR, AED, and First Aid so I help out at camp every year. On the 3rd I taught the staff at Cedarledge, last week I taught the CITs, and tomorrow I will teach at Tuckaho. These are 9 hours each, mind you. In the HEAT since there's no A/C. Last week was fun, though, because I got there early enough to enjoy breakfast, stayed for lunch, then went out with a friend on her night off. (We went to Diablo McGee's, in case anyone is wondering...) Lots of fun, but I didn't get home till almost 11.

Our church teams up with the church that uses our facility in the evenings - Mercy Road - to do VBS. Their children's ministry is slightly bigger than ours, but we have a lot more adults will to help out, plus they can split the cost, which you know is always a good thing. This year we went with Group's EGYPT package. It's the story of Joseph and how God gives us hope. They used the story of how Joseph was sold into slavery and then got thrown in jail, but still ended up becoming one of the rulers of Egypt. Jeremiah 29:11 was one of our theme verses. The kids had a lto of fun, and it's easy for me because I'm just a shepherd, leading the kids to each of the three areas (snack/craft, game, story). But after a day full of wrangling two year olds? I'm exhausted!

Speaking of my favorite kids. Remember my last post when I talked about the girl who cried all the time? She came back today (the first time since that post was written) and she only cried for about five minutes in the morning and for just a little bit right before her dad was supposed to come and get her! Like, I didn't even recognize the kid! It was splash day, which are always fun. I mean that literally and sarcastically. I love watching the kids play around in the water, and spray the with the hose, but getting them in and out of their suits is a hassle. Today we had 16 and they were nuts -- especially since two of the younger boys decided they hated each other recently and were being major bullies to each other, and to the other kids. Insanity. Here's a shot from Splash Day:

Technically it's from last week, but they're stll cute. Those are my "problem children:" very independent, very headstrong. Thus, they are two of my favorite kids. (I blurred out their faces 'cause you get pretty good looks at them and I want to protect their privacy... you understand...)

AND I got to see Miss Makenzie for the first time in almost a year! (I took her to the zoo shortly before she turned 3... she'll be 4 on SATURDAY!) Not only that, but Jen and Rob too. Sunday was very exciting for me. She played with the boys while J, Jen, Rob, and I chatted in the kitchen. I let her play with my camera and she actually took some decent shots. I think we have a budding photographer on our hands! Observe:

And here we are being the responsible adults that we really are, LOL:

So far it's been a good summer, but I'll be glad when our mission trip is over in July because that's also wearing me out. Didn't realize how much planning went into that! BTW, if you're looking to Rent a Teen, let me know! =)

Days Like Today...

2010-05-26T20:07:00.003-05:00

...Make me not want children, LOL. Everyone asks me if my job is good birth control and honestly it's usually not. My 2's are so loving and huggable and I love their laughter and smiles... Makes my ovaries hurt just thinking about how much I want to be a mom. But then I have days like today. I imagine the same thing happens once you're actually a parent, though; you're like "why did I have kids?"

We have a new girl in our class who doesn't speak a lick of English and has never been in daycare before. All of this equals a clingy, screaming child. Dad left her there for the whole day which meant nap time was AWFUL because I had to keep her quiet while the rest of the kids napped because she wouldn't friggin' lie down and sleep.

I was so frustrated all day, especially because I felt like the office wasn't listening to my concerns about her. And my favorite challenge kiddo, K, hit me in the face. Good times, lemme tell ya.

On the lighter side, I love the rest of my kids almost all the time. On Monday when I was in the room next door, one of our kids who is potty trained as far as "number 1" goes still poops her pants. EVERY afternoon, but never at the same time so we can be sure to sit her ont he potty. Well she pooped in her pants on Monday and Katie went through the usual, "Where do you go poop? And where DID you go poop?" Well, her answer ot the latter was NOT "in my underwear" like she usually says. Instead she said, "In library by the books." WHAT?! I didn't want to know where you were WHILE you were poopin'. Ha ha.

And that same challenge child, K, was outside and tripped, falling back onto her butt. She got right back up and said, "It's okay... I bounced."

And because blog posts are never complete without photos, apparently, here is a shot of some of my kids picking flowers.

Tonight's Dinner

2010-05-18T21:29:00.003-05:00

So last night I was trying to think of what to cook for dinner. I am NOT adventurous and have little experience with cooking anything that isn't out of a box, so I can't just say, "Oh we have X, Y, and Z... Let's make A!" Nope, doesn't work that way. As a result, J and I eat a LOT of pasta, taco salad, and baked chicken. Said baked chicken is usually marinated in Italian dressing (we tried a lemon pepper marinade once and it bubble over the sides of the pan I was using and I had to scrape it off the next day because my oven would smoke when I turned it on). Or we grill it, either with Italian dressing or BBQ sauce.

Last night I knew I wanted to try SOMETHING a little different. We have no pork or beef, so it chicken it was... but WHAT? HOW? I logged on to allrecipes.com and typed in chicken and slow cooker and, of course a bajillion recipes came up, but then I found this one:

Zesty Slow Cooker Chicken Barbecue

Best of all? I already had EVERY SINGLE ingredient (which doesn't happen often in my hosue because, like I said, I'm not a cook). So I hoped and prayed that J would put the chicken I pulled out and the sauce I made into the crock pot before leaving for work, and that my crock pot wouldn't burn it before I got home.

Verdict: Amazing. Incredibly simple, and completely delicious. This will probably become a staple in our menu. I love the feeling of success I have now that I've taken that first leap and made something off of the internet. Because, honestly? It's not liek I burn water or anything, but I'm so uneasy about cooking in general that it freaks me out if I'm not using a box or something from a jar. OR popping something in the oven out of the freezer. But I'm sure to cook much more often now that A) My first foray has been successful, and B) I almost have all of my weeknights back.

Resolution #4

2010-05-05T21:48:00.002-05:00

Remember my New Year's Resolutions? Remember the list of books I said I would read? I am halfway failing at this resolution, but only because I haven't touched any of the books on my list. I have, however, read 2 books on faith that I know will help my in my role as a youth minister.

Your Own Jesus: A God Insistent on Making it Personal
This one was written by Casting Crowns' front man Mark Hall. He begins the book by telling of a time when he wanted to take his own life because of a breakup with a girl he thought he would marry -- in high school. He talks about how he knew who Jesus and God were -- he had, after all, been baptized at 7 -- but he didn't KNOW them. In college was when he really started living life with a real relationship with God. The whole book is full of stories relating back to this point. We can talk about God and Jesus all we want, but until we really own our relationship with Him, until we truly seek Him and His will for us, it's not REAL. This book was awesome. It's easy to read while still having substance.

Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit
This is Francis Chan's second book, after the huge hit "Crazy Love." I haven't read Crazy Love yet because he tells the read to do a lot of stuff on the computer and since I read at work while the kids are napping I can't exactly do that. Anyway, in this book, Chan addresses the discrepancy that is taking over the church: we aren't living as if the Spirit is in us. Chan writes in a way that is engaging and convicting, pointing out that many Christians' lives don't look that much different from nonbelievers because of this reason -- we aren't letting the Holy Spirit move in us. Great book with a great message!

I'll try and write a little more about each of these at a later date. I'm currently reading The Screwtape Letters for a second time. I was in high school the first time I read it and I'm getting a lot more out of it now that I'm older and more mature in my faith. I love how C.S. Lewis writes from the POV of demons. If you haven't heard of or read the book, it's a series of "letters" written by Screwtape, an elder demon, to his nephew Wormwood, on how to be an effective tempter to his "patient." Lewis is basically saying, "Be careful because this is how it gets to you, watch out!" But when told like this, I definitely pay attention better. I leave you with an excerpt from it (remember the POV from which it it told):

We want cattle who can finally be food; He wants servants who fan finally become sons. We want to suck in; He wants to give out. We are empty and would be filled; He is full and flows over.

Truth or... Truth

2010-04-22T22:15:00.002-05:00

SO, my friend Lauren did this and I planned on doing a post. Then I logged in to Google Reader and saw that Stephanie did the same thing. So, I'm going to look like a total copier, but I don't care!

Ask me anything in the comments area and I will do my best to answer them all quickly and honestly.

Life-Changing, God-Inspired Week

2010-04-12T21:49:00.004-05:00

I want to sit and write this while my week is still pretty fresh in my head. This is a long one, so if you need a bathroom break or a snack, you better go get it.

As I mentioned in my quick post, this ranch takes in about 20-25 boys in the foster care system in Georgia. Some are only there for a short time while their parents work out arrangements with the courts, others have had parental rights permanently suspended and are looking for forever homes. Many of the boys come from abuse and neglect. Others have parents who are addicted to drugs, in jail, or dead. A few have been in jail themselves. All of them come to the ranch lost, and while staying there, get found.

I'm not saying that they have some kind of spiritual revival there, necessarily, but all of these boys come from backgrounds in which they don't know what love is. not REAL love. They don't think they're good enough to be loved. If they've gotten into trouble, they wonder if they can ever be forgiven.

And then they meet Zach. And John. And Trudy. And Rachel, Kris, Jen, Joanna... EVERYONE who works on that ranch has taken to heart the mission Jesus gives us to serve the orphans and widows in James 1:27, and to serve "the least of these" )Matthew 25). They KNOW what it means to be the presence of Christ to a lost and broken world, because the boys they come to know and love ARE broken. On this ranch, there is healing.

On this ranch, there is God.

Being able to come down in my group of 13 -- people from ALL over the country -- was an honor. A privilege. A blessing. Yeah, that's it: a blessing. We arrived in Atlanta on Monday complete strangers and somehow, on the hour long van ride to the ranch and through lunch, we became a team. This team was able to gravel a road in 2 hours. This team converted a horse stall into a room and tore down a few walls in the barn to make a school. This team cleaned out an old pump house and helped lay an irrigation system. And this team loved.

I can honestly say that this mission trip was more personal than one I've ever been on in the past. I loved getting to know Chester in October of '07, and hearing the story of Nick and his family's struggles after Rita, and working on the trailer on the shore that was destroyed later that year by Hurricane Ike. But nothing hit me the way that those boys did. I don't know if it's my heart for youth ministry or my passion for teaching or what, but something about them made me stop and go, "Huh."

On Wednesday night we had a service down by their lake and 2 of the boys gave their testimony. One had been on the ranch for only 3 weeks and said, "I feel loved." I don't know much about his story, but I do know that fifteen year old boys do not openly talk about their feelings. And it was the way he said it, the emotion you could hear in his voice that gave it all away. The other boy had been on the ranch for 5 years and in his story, he said, "I don't know God exists because of the trees and everything around me, even though they're beautiful. I know God exists because of the people here on the ranch."

Love.

Do we ever give enough of it away? Do we ever, truly, love unconditionally? I'm not sure I do all the time. I know that there are thoughts that come through my head that I'm ashamed of, that aren't loving. It's human nature, right? And yet... The people on the ranch. The houseparents, the office staff, the administration... THEY know what love really is and they show it to these beautiful, broken boys every day, and help lead them to healing.

SO I was challenged last week. To really remove all of the filters in my heart. Do I love like I should? Not yet. But I want to. The impact that those adults had on those boys is why I want to be a teacher. I want kids to know that they are loved, that they are worth something, that they can be healed. Especially if they are from broken homes like so many of those boys.

The other thing that struck me this week about the boys was how eager the boys were to serve. They served each other, their houseparents, us... It's like pulling teeth sometimes to get my high school youth kids to do something, and these boys were more than eager to use the power tools to install that floor. They were eager to get us more food or another soda, or to clear our plate. And they were eager to shovel rocks all over a road. I'm 24 and I know that I would never want to get up at 8:00AM on MY spring break to move rocks around on a road. BUT THEY DID. Whether they wanted to or not, they did it. And I didn't hear a gripe out of any of them.

Can that be said of me? Of you?

Certainly not of me. There were a few moments today, even, that I caught myself complaining about the work I had to do (especially when one girl needed a dirty diaper changed... it was bad, people). I'm challenging myself to be aware of my thoughts. TO be more positive. To serve.

Life-changing. God-inspired. Challenging. Refreshing. Renewing. There are dozens of words I can use to describe my trip. But the lessons I learned, and the challenges I now face can't be summed up in words or this post would never end. I hope to go back to GVBR. And maybe I will next year. I don't know, we'll see where God leads me. But one thing is for sure: The person I was when I got on the plane in St. Louis Monday morning is not the person I was when I got off of it on Friday. And to that, I say, "Hallelujah."

My Trip, In 10 Bullet Points

2010-04-10T22:10:00.003-05:00

I am working on a more detailed post, but for now here are some fun facts about my trip:

1. It was my first time on a plane in almost 10 years. And this plane was tiny! i guess Delta Connection flights always are. it only last about 80 minutes, which was nice.

2. John Blend bought the property in Waleska, GA, in 1982 (I think...)

3. He turned it into the Boys' Ranch in the mid-90's.

4. It is 100% a Christian environment. The boys are required to go to church each week, the family units begin each day with a devotion and prayer, the only music allowed on the ranch is Christian (rock, rap, worship, whatever, as long as it praises his name it's in).

5. The Ranch sits on 300+ acres. There are horses, cows, and 2 dogs from a neighboring property. There are 5 houses for the boys and the houseparents, 2 barns, a pavilion where we ate all of our meals, an admin. building, and an ooooold farm house.

6. One of their goals (and something we worked on) is to turn the barn into a school. Several of the boys are waaaay behind in their studies, so some will exclusively go to school on the ranch while others get tutored in the areas they need.

7. Zach, John's son, is incredibly involved with how the Ranch runs. He's getting married in May to his lovely fiancee Rachel who also has a passion for the ministry of this ranch.

8. John gave the Independent Living boys (4 of them in that house) copies of Do Hard Things by the Harris twins. I have read this book and it is PHENOMENAL. John challenged them to really go out and "do hard things" so they started Good Things Barbecue and Catering Company. They cooked for us all week (except for dinner Tuesday and lunch on Thursday and Friday). It was soooooo good!

9. We had a talent show on Thursday in which we all did skits w/ the boys of the house we ate at on Tues. Such a riot! And we put together a band combining a few of us missionaries, the boys, and houseparents. It was awesome!

10. I have never felt so much love and compassion, or seen so much of Jesus incarnate as I did in that place. Even thought there was about 20 boys on the property, Zach and John not only knew each one by name, but knew what their stories were and why they were there. The boys, who have never known what love is, come to this ranch and suddenly understand what they've been missing.

It was an incredible, life-changing experience.

I'm back!

2010-04-09T23:09:00.002-05:00

My week was AMAZING. I just spent the week in Atlanta working at a boys' ranch. I will post more on it tomorrow 'cause I"m BEAT, but I wanted to let you know that I have been out of touch from the "real" world -- no Facebook or Google Reader. I will catch up as fast as I can, as well as post a real entry about my week. For now, I leave you with this photo:

I think...

2010-04-06T12:00:00.001-05:00

I think I may have figured out why I don't have a teaching job. I can't go into details, but God planted something in my heart last night. At least, I think it was Him. At any rate, prayers would be appreciated, that I might be able to figure out if it's God or me, and whether this idea is right for me and J.

Cars and Toenails

2010-03-23T17:47:00.002-05:00

Thursday Jerome and I bought a car. it's a 2005 Nissan Sentra (oh, how I miss MY old Sentra... sniff...) with 76,000 miles on it. And, Jerome is always quick to point out, a stick. We got a great deal on it and it was a pretty quick and painless procedure. We test drove, we said we like it but we're only willing to pay $x amount per month, any higher and we walk. So they gave us the price we wanted (which was actually about $20/mo less than we could actually afford!) and we (well, J) got a brand new car. It was so nice being a two-car family.

Yes, I did say was.

Remember the fiascos I was having back in June with my car? how I had, like, 3 starters put in within a week?? Well, my car decided last night that it didn't want to start. Again. And it's 6,000 out of the 12,000 mile warranty on the part. Well FML.

Well, it started this morning so we drove it the 1 mile to the South branch of the shop we always take it to and dropped it off, then J drove me to work. My grandma was supposed to come pick me up at 3 for a doctor's appointment to remove and ingrown toenail, but they sent my home at 10:30, so J has to drive and pick me up, then take me home, then go to work ('cause I can't drive a stick yet!).

After I get my nastiness removed off of my foot, I called the garage for an update.
Diagnosis: Lagging Starter

BUT

He said he didn't care that we were 6,000 miles outside of warranty, he knows how much trouble we've had with this starter before, so he's replacing it. FOR FREE. And the diagnostics test he had to run? On the house.

MLIA

It's Obligatory

2010-03-15T06:23:00.005-05:00

At least in the blog world, LOL. This post is a day late because our weekend was CRAZY. I'll post about all that later. (BTW... Blogger is being annoying and not letting me add ANY photos! So this post is dumb without those but I accidentally hit Publish, so all my Reader friends and my mom and grandpa -- who subscribe via e-mail -- will get notification of this anyway. Le sigh...)

Five (!!) years ago, I had a friend, and we realized that we both wanted to be more than just friends.

Three years ago (on Wednesday), he asked me to marry him.

One year ago, we said our I dos.

Our life over the last five years -- and the last one, especially -- has been full of ups and downs.

But I haven't regretted any of it.

I love my husband, and I can't wait for what the future holds.

April Mission Trip

2010-03-10T19:09:00.003-06:00

The day after Easter, I'm headed to Georgia for a mission trip with work. (Not my new work, my old work... FCS.) We'll be working at the Goshen Valley Boys Ranch, which works with teenage boys in foster care. I'm really excited, but I have a favor to ask.

If I know any of you personally (or if any of you STLWed gals will be at the GNO on the 26th), will you help me provide donations? I want to bring down things like boxer shorts, t-shirts, deodorant, etc., for the boys. Let me know int he comments if you'd like to help. If you won't see me before then, e-mail me at phlpns314jlf at yahoo dot com and we can figure out a place to meet up or I'll give you my address and you can mail your donations to me.

Thanks for considering and thanks in advance to those who help!!