Resolution #4

Remember my New Year's Resolutions? Remember the list of books I said I would read? I am halfway failing at this resolution, but only because I haven't touched any of the books on my list. I have, however, read 2 books on faith that I know will help my in my role as a youth minister.

Your Own Jesus: A God Insistent on Making it Personal
This one was written by Casting Crowns' front man Mark Hall. He begins the book by telling of a time when he wanted to take his own life because of a breakup with a girl he thought he would marry -- in high school. He talks about how he knew who Jesus and God were -- he had, after all, been baptized at 7 -- but he didn't KNOW them. In college was when he really started living life with a real relationship with God. The whole book is full of stories relating back to this point. We can talk about God and Jesus all we want, but until we really own our relationship with Him, until we truly seek Him and His will for us, it's not REAL. This book was awesome. It's easy to read while still having substance.

Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit
This is Francis Chan's second book, after the huge hit "Crazy Love." I haven't read Crazy Love yet because he tells the read to do a lot of stuff on the computer and since I read at work while the kids are napping I can't exactly do that. Anyway, in this book, Chan addresses the discrepancy that is taking over the church: we aren't living as if the Spirit is in us. Chan writes in a way that is engaging and convicting, pointing out that many Christians' lives don't look that much different from nonbelievers because of this reason -- we aren't letting the Holy Spirit move in us. Great book with a great message!

I'll try and write a little more about each of these at a later date. I'm currently reading The Screwtape Letters for a second time. I was in high school the first time I read it and I'm getting a lot more out of it now that I'm older and more mature in my faith. I love how C.S. Lewis writes from the POV of demons. If you haven't heard of or read the book, it's a series of "letters" written by Screwtape, an elder demon, to his nephew Wormwood, on how to be an effective tempter to his "patient." Lewis is basically saying, "Be careful because this is how it gets to you, watch out!" But when told like this, I definitely pay attention better. I leave you with an excerpt from it (remember the POV from which it it told):

We want cattle who can finally be food; He wants servants who fan finally become sons. We want to suck in; He wants to give out. We are empty and would be filled; He is full and flows over.

Truth or... Truth

SO, my friend Lauren did this and I planned on doing a post. Then I logged in to Google Reader and saw that Stephanie did the same thing. So, I'm going to look like a total copier, but I don't care!

Ask me anything in the comments area and I will do my best to answer them all quickly and honestly.

Life-Changing, God-Inspired Week

I want to sit and write this while my week is still pretty fresh in my head. This is a long one, so if you need a bathroom break or a snack, you better go get it.

As I mentioned in my quick post, this ranch takes in about 20-25 boys in the foster care system in Georgia. Some are only there for a short time while their parents work out arrangements with the courts, others have had parental rights permanently suspended and are looking for forever homes. Many of the boys come from abuse and neglect. Others have parents who are addicted to drugs, in jail, or dead. A few have been in jail themselves. All of them come to the ranch lost, and while staying there, get found.

I'm not saying that they have some kind of spiritual revival there, necessarily, but all of these boys come from backgrounds in which they don't know what love is. not REAL love. They don't think they're good enough to be loved. If they've gotten into trouble, they wonder if they can ever be forgiven.

And then they meet Zach. And John. And Trudy. And Rachel, Kris, Jen, Joanna... EVERYONE who works on that ranch has taken to heart the mission Jesus gives us to serve the orphans and widows in James 1:27, and to serve "the least of these" )Matthew 25). They KNOW what it means to be the presence of Christ to a lost and broken world, because the boys they come to know and love ARE broken. On this ranch, there is healing.

On this ranch, there is God.

Being able to come down in my group of 13 -- people from ALL over the country -- was an honor. A privilege. A blessing. Yeah, that's it: a blessing. We arrived in Atlanta on Monday complete strangers and somehow, on the hour long van ride to the ranch and through lunch, we became a team. This team was able to gravel a road in 2 hours. This team converted a horse stall into a room and tore down a few walls in the barn to make a school. This team cleaned out an old pump house and helped lay an irrigation system. And this team loved.

I can honestly say that this mission trip was more personal than one I've ever been on in the past. I loved getting to know Chester in October of '07, and hearing the story of Nick and his family's struggles after Rita, and working on the trailer on the shore that was destroyed later that year by Hurricane Ike. But nothing hit me the way that those boys did. I don't know if it's my heart for youth ministry or my passion for teaching or what, but something about them made me stop and go, "Huh."

On Wednesday night we had a service down by their lake and 2 of the boys gave their testimony. One had been on the ranch for only 3 weeks and said, "I feel loved." I don't know much about his story, but I do know that fifteen year old boys do not openly talk about their feelings. And it was the way he said it, the emotion you could hear in his voice that gave it all away. The other boy had been on the ranch for 5 years and in his story, he said, "I don't know God exists because of the trees and everything around me, even though they're beautiful. I know God exists because of the people here on the ranch."

Love.

Do we ever give enough of it away? Do we ever, truly, love unconditionally? I'm not sure I do all the time. I know that there are thoughts that come through my head that I'm ashamed of, that aren't loving. It's human nature, right? And yet... The people on the ranch. The houseparents, the office staff, the administration... THEY know what love really is and they show it to these beautiful, broken boys every day, and help lead them to healing.

SO I was challenged last week. To really remove all of the filters in my heart. Do I love like I should? Not yet. But I want to. The impact that those adults had on those boys is why I want to be a teacher. I want kids to know that they are loved, that they are worth something, that they can be healed. Especially if they are from broken homes like so many of those boys.

The other thing that struck me this week about the boys was how eager the boys were to serve. They served each other, their houseparents, us... It's like pulling teeth sometimes to get my high school youth kids to do something, and these boys were more than eager to use the power tools to install that floor. They were eager to get us more food or another soda, or to clear our plate. And they were eager to shovel rocks all over a road. I'm 24 and I know that I would never want to get up at 8:00AM on MY spring break to move rocks around on a road. BUT THEY DID. Whether they wanted to or not, they did it. And I didn't hear a gripe out of any of them.

Can that be said of me? Of you?

Certainly not of me. There were a few moments today, even, that I caught myself complaining about the work I had to do (especially when one girl needed a dirty diaper changed... it was bad, people). I'm challenging myself to be aware of my thoughts. TO be more positive. To serve.

Life-changing. God-inspired. Challenging. Refreshing. Renewing. There are dozens of words I can use to describe my trip. But the lessons I learned, and the challenges I now face can't be summed up in words or this post would never end. I hope to go back to GVBR. And maybe I will next year. I don't know, we'll see where God leads me. But one thing is for sure: The person I was when I got on the plane in St. Louis Monday morning is not the person I was when I got off of it on Friday. And to that, I say, "Hallelujah."

My Trip, In 10 Bullet Points

I am working on a more detailed post, but for now here are some fun facts about my trip:

1. It was my first time on a plane in almost 10 years. And this plane was tiny! i guess Delta Connection flights always are. it only last about 80 minutes, which was nice.

2. John Blend bought the property in Waleska, GA, in 1982 (I think...)

3. He turned it into the Boys' Ranch in the mid-90's.

4. It is 100% a Christian environment. The boys are required to go to church each week, the family units begin each day with a devotion and prayer, the only music allowed on the ranch is Christian (rock, rap, worship, whatever, as long as it praises his name it's in).

5. The Ranch sits on 300+ acres. There are horses, cows, and 2 dogs from a neighboring property. There are 5 houses for the boys and the houseparents, 2 barns, a pavilion where we ate all of our meals, an admin. building, and an ooooold farm house.

6. One of their goals (and something we worked on) is to turn the barn into a school. Several of the boys are waaaay behind in their studies, so some will exclusively go to school on the ranch while others get tutored in the areas they need.

7. Zach, John's son, is incredibly involved with how the Ranch runs. He's getting married in May to his lovely fiancee Rachel who also has a passion for the ministry of this ranch.

8. John gave the Independent Living boys (4 of them in that house) copies of Do Hard Things by the Harris twins. I have read this book and it is PHENOMENAL. John challenged them to really go out and "do hard things" so they started Good Things Barbecue and Catering Company. They cooked for us all week (except for dinner Tuesday and lunch on Thursday and Friday). It was soooooo good!

9. We had a talent show on Thursday in which we all did skits w/ the boys of the house we ate at on Tues. Such a riot! And we put together a band combining a few of us missionaries, the boys, and houseparents. It was awesome!

10. I have never felt so much love and compassion, or seen so much of Jesus incarnate as I did in that place. Even thought there was about 20 boys on the property, Zach and John not only knew each one by name, but knew what their stories were and why they were there. The boys, who have never known what love is, come to this ranch and suddenly understand what they've been missing.

It was an incredible, life-changing experience.

I'm back!

My week was AMAZING. I just spent the week in Atlanta working at a boys' ranch. I will post more on it tomorrow 'cause I"m BEAT, but I wanted to let you know that I have been out of touch from the "real" world -- no Facebook or Google Reader. I will catch up as fast as I can, as well as post a real entry about my week. For now, I leave you with this photo:

I think...

I think I may have figured out why I don't have a teaching job. I can't go into details, but God planted something in my heart last night. At least, I think it was Him. At any rate, prayers would be appreciated, that I might be able to figure out if it's God or me, and whether this idea is right for me and J.