On My Mind

If you've been around this blog for anytime at all (Or even just since the last post), you know that music at church is a big deal to me. I've been singing in church since I was 17 and it has played a massive role in my relationship with God and I've made a lot of amazing friends. I also love my church I feel like it's been a steady source of comfort, support, and and incredibly welcoming place; a place where you can come as you are and we will love you.  I have a lot of friends at my church.

 Which is why this post is probably going to get me into a LOT of trouble.

 A year ago our worship leader stepped down. She wasn't leaving the church or moving, she just was stepping down. They were looking outside the church for a replacement and I committed to supporting and helping whomever they hired. Several people told me they hoped I would get it and I'm not going to lie, the thought crossed my mind, but I didn't voice that to but a few people. For six months, our piano player was our worship leader and she did the job wonderfully. Once the selection committee had whittled the candidates to two guys, they came in and worked with us and we voiced our opinion on who we liked. Someone was hired and in October he stepped in to the role. And since then I have had dozens of people come up and complain to me about his style of worship, about how I should have gotten the job, about how they wish we could go back to the way things "used to be." And I'm stuck in the middle. I may not get paid for it, but it is my job to get up there every Sunday and help lead worship. It is my job to support the worship leader. It is my job to help that worship leader create an atmosphere in which people can worship the Risen Christ and a loving God.

But right now it feels like a one sided effort.

Have I liked everything the new leader has done? At first, no. Change cause friction. And there was friction. He led worship differently. We went from piano-led to guitar-led and, yes, it was difficult for me, too. We went from female-led to male-led and, yes, it was difficult for me (mostly because I was used to being able to take melody all the time and now I can't all the time because of the differences in ranges of men's voices and women's voices). He introduced a ton of new songs (okay, that wasn't so difficult for me because there were a TON of songs I wanted to do but we couldn't because of our instrumentation). He staggers the singers in a way that we aren't used to and, yes, that was difficult. But you know what? I talked to him about it. I approached him in love and we talked about it. And guess what? When something he does pisses me off, I still talk to him about it. Because he's willing to listen.

A few weeks ago a lot of things came to a head at a rehearsal. Some things were said and feelings were expressed in a way that made me ashamed of my team. And my church home. Because in the six months he's been there, more people have complained to him than tried to get to know him. He's experienced more negativity from my family in the last six months than I knew could ever exist. And it makes me sad. And mad. And disappointed. And ashamed.

J and I went to another church on Easter evening. Some friends of ours had started attending and aren't firm in their religion (spirituality, beliefs, convictions, whatever) yet, so we wanted to check the place out, plus we're both so involved in ours that sometimes it's nice to go and just worship, and not have to worry about all the responsibility (or how people are going to respond to something new). The music didn't do it for me, to be honest, but the Pastor nailed it. You know how sometimes you get the right message at the right time? That is what happened for me last week.

I really hope I'm able to get this across correctly.

The pastor preached the resurrection story from Mark 16:1-8, with a focus on verse 7: "...go, tell His disciples and Peter that He is going before you to Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you."  The idea is that Jesus is everywhere before you are. Jesus knows everything before you do. And we constantly expect him to be in the same place we left him. In the same worship model. In the same conference. IN the same Bible Study. But Jesus doesn't stay the same. He doesn't stay in the same places. And he sure as heck doesn't want you to stay in the same, and int he same places. The pastor asked three questions in his sermon: 1. In the situation you're in or the person you're dealing with, where is Christ? 2. In that situation or person, what is He already doing? 3. How can I partner with Him?


That last one, in particular, struck a chord with me, because with all the drama going on at my church I think it's something we (even me at times) have failed to consider. We're called to be a missional church, but what does that look like? To me, it looks like we're partnering with Jesus to bring the church to the lost. And right now, I'm not feeling it. We're all so concerned with what worship has "become" (and in reality, it's not that much different than it used to be) that we've lost sight of Who is important, and what our call really is.

Listen, I get it. Worship is personal. I started this post with that statement. Worship is how you communicate with God, and vice versa, and it sets up your heart for the sermon. I understand how a "bad worship" can put you in the wrong place for a sermon. But I also think that half of worship is your responsibility. You have to come with your heart in the right place. That's not my job. That's not the worship leader's job or the pastor's job. When you enter church on a Sunday morning, are you prepared to worship? To partner with Jesus? Or are you prepared to find any and every thing you can to criticize what's going on. Because I can guarantee that Satan will take that negativity and make it bigger and bigger and bigger until finally it explodes and some one writes a blog post about it feelings get hurt. That's what he does. The question is, are you going to let him? Are you going to partner with Satan, or are you going to partner with Jesus?

It's very possible this post will self destruct. I know I'm going to piss off a lot of people because of what I just said and I may end up taking it down, or being asked to take it down.  However, this doesn't just apply to my church. There is a term "worship wars" for a reason, and while I don't necessarily think that is what's happening in my church (maybe to an extent), I do know that because worship is personal, people feel very invested in it.  So whether you're in my church or a church somewhere else going through the exact same thing, here is my challenge to you tomorrow and next Sunday and the next and the next:

Partner with Jesus. Find one thing you like about your new worship leader (or even new pastor/youth leader/children's ministry leader), AND TELL THEM. Introduce yourself. I'm not saying it's going to change over night, but if we all agreed to partner with Jesus together, open a dialog about how worship (or sermons or youth ministry, etc) can be improved -- specific things, not just "make it the way it used to be" -- I can guarantee that Jesus will deliver. Because that's what He does. He's always willing to be there.

The question is, are you letting Him?